


The Selection OC network

by thenewsomelibrary



Category: The Selection Series - Kiera Cass
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-29
Updated: 2016-10-21
Packaged: 2018-07-27 13:23:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 43,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7619731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thenewsomelibrary/pseuds/thenewsomelibrary
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is a collection of all the ficlets I have written for the tumblr The Selection OC network. In the network, another Selection was simulated, with Ashton Schreave (OC by @kilewoodwork and @eadlynschreavve on tumblr) as the prince. My OC is the Selected called Alizé Mabo, and all the ficlets are form her POV.</p>
    </blockquote>





	1. Sisters

**Author's Note:**

> This is a collection of all the ficlets I have written for the tumblr The Selection OC network. In the network, another Selection was simulated, with Ashton Schreave (OC by @kilewoodwork and @eadlynschreavve on tumblr) as the prince. My OC is the Selected called Alizé Mabo, and all the ficlets are form her POV.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was my contribution to the first practise challenge, which was about the home life and background of the OC.

_After having the first dinner at the palace._ **  
**

I slumped onto the bed in the middle of the guest room the second the door closed behind the maid Debbie who was apparently responsable for my personal comfort. I briefly wondered if it was a coincidence that the only black girl in the competition got a black maid – probably not. The whole room she had brought me to was kind of a lot to take in: First of all, it was huge. And second of all, it was clean and tidy. How many days would it take me to mess it up?

After kicking off the high heels that would kill me by tomorrow, I opened my bag. Someone – Debbie? - had already brought them up here. On top of my things was a photo of my sister Lia and me at a beach in France. It had been taken three years ago when we’d been visiting our cousins and grandparents over there. That summer we had made our bracelets – I was wearing mine still and I’d never not wear it. The picture calmed me a little, as if my sister was here with me. Actually, she should have been here _instead_ of me. I thought back two our conversation in the garden barely three weeks ago.

 _The letter had just arrived. “Look at him,“ Lia had said, “it’s definitely worth a shot.“ Sure, the prince was quite good-looking. Apparently my sister had it bad._  
“ _Then why don’t you apply for this… this thing?“_  
“ _No!“ She was furious. “I could never! Imagine me trapped in a palace with 34 other girls competing for some prince! I’d… I don’t know, drown!“_  
I grinned. “You and your hyperboles. As far as I know, the palace hasn’t even got a pool. See, no drowning in that department.“  
She huffed, but I could already see a smile tugging at her lips. “Besides, I’m a capable swimmer.“  
“ _See?,“ I said triumphantly, “you so could put your name in.“_  
She argued, “but so could you, obviously! You’d do way better!“  
Now it was my turn to huff. “I highly doubt that. And remember, I’m not the one with the crush here.“  
“ _I don’t have a-“ Lia tried to protest, but she was blushing, I could tell. Some fair-skinned people tended to believe blacks couldn’t blush or at least not visibly, but oh well, how wrong they were. “Either way,“ she continued, “I’m not filling this out. Never.“_  
This definitely called for the sly methods. “Then what do you think, what if I put my name in as well? Let’s just do it together!“  
My sister watched me sharply. “You were vehemently against the very idea of it a few minutes ago when the letter arrived! What’s with the sudden change of mind?“  
“ _Oh, you know, I’m definitely not trying to make you change your mind to give you this opportunity, so I guess you just convinced me that it could be worth it.“ I smirked._  
“ _Oh, you’re such a pain, don’t you know?,“ she grumbled._  
“ _Love you too, sis. Together?“_  
“Fine _. But trust me, if anything-,“ she trailed off, not knowing how to threaten me._  
I promised, “come on, this will be fun!“

In retrospect, I should have known it would be me. I was always the unlucky one. Well, in Lia’s case, my situation right now would have been her luck. And she’d so deserved it.  
A knock on the door interrupted my thoughts. Silvia, who seemed to be organizing the whole mess that was the Selection, walked in. “How are you feeling? Would you like to call your family? That won’t be a daily possibility, if there isn’t an emergency.“ She waved a mobile phone in front of me. I nodded.

“It should have been you,“ I told my sister on the phone, meaning every word.  
“No. I would have been terrified!“  
“Do you really think I’m not, Lia?“ I laughed. “It’s awkward.“  
“Don’t try to cheer me up!,“ she ordered, always knowing my intentions. It was as if she could see right through me. And in this case, right through the telephone. “Besides, I don’t need to be cheered up. What I need is updates, so don’t you dare keep anything from me,“ she threatened with a laugh. As if I ever would. And funny enough, it seemed she was telling the truth. Maybe her little crush on prince Ashton – his Royal Highness, if you please – hadn’t been that bad after all. But if she was still disappointed, it would only hurt to dig further.  
“Sure, what are you thinking of me?,“ I replied, fumbling with my bracelet. “I just don’t know if they’ll let me call or write that frequently. I’m beginning to think it’s a little strict here.“  
“It’s not as if they had to save phone costs though,“ she said, and I could basically see her smirking from all over Illéa. Lia could always make me laugh.  
“I’ll see to it,“ I promised.  
“And Liz? Maybe give it a shot? Maybe you’ll like him. It’s not like you should feel bad about it because of me“, Lia added.  
“Are you sure?“  
“Wouldn’t say so if I wasn't“, she said seriously.  
“Okay. Maybe it won’t be too bad“, I allowed.  
“I mean it! You have the chance to change the world, and if that prince is worth it than you’ll better take that chance!“ I knew it was true, and yet I couldn’t help feeling bad about it. It should have been her chance, not mine.  
“Liz! Don’t throw it away because you think it should have been me! That won’t do me any good, and you know that.“  
“Amélie Florentine Mabo, how is it you’re always right?“ I sighed, because she was. “I’ll try.“ Like that, I knew I would.  
I’d miss her, as much was clear. But I knew for a fact in my head and for an undeniable feeling in my heart that my sister and me, we’d never let each other down. And therefore I would also give the prince a chance. Even if this would end up in a disaster, I’d still have Lia.


	2. Arriving at the Palace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This second practise challenge was about the arrival at the palace - it takes place before the events of practise challenge one, but I wanted this to be in the order of the challenges.

I was glad about the little camera Lia had put into my hands at the departure. I had been positive I’d feel extremely awkward taking photos, but she had insisted that I took it with me to “document the pretty hell“. It was nice though, to have something to take back from this experience besides new acquaintances and being popular, because photos were meant to last for sure. I wasn’t sure about the other two things – I wanted to keep any of the friends I’d make in the palace, but I’d be better off without the popularity. But the pictures were nice – maybe I could even print some of them and send them to Lia.

  
A picture of the girls in dresses. I didn’t know if I could get used to wearing them every day, until now it certainly felt weird. Dresses usually weren’t my favorite, but I guessed I had to live in them for the next time. But even though personally, I would have preferred my own clothes, this put everyone on the same level – all the girls were threes now. I probably couldn’t imagine the feeling since I already was a three, but I was certain that a nice dress and a new number couldn’t change who we were deep down. At least that was what I hoped for – outwardly we were equal, but a diversity on the inside would only make things interesting.

A picture at the airport. I was the first one to arrive out of three Selected. According to the woman who had driven me to the airport, I was flying together with the girls from Waverly and Hansport, Sapphira Dior and Avalon Brooks. On the first impression, both of them seemed like people I could easily get along with, as we started talking quickly. Like mine, Avalon’s dream was to travel the world one day, because Illéa certainly wasn’t everything. We also talked a little about France – technically my home country – and I promised to myself that if we stayed friends after the Selection, I’d take her there one day. I didn’t talk much with Sapphira, but I couldn’t quite tell if it was because of me or because of her, or if she was quiet out of shyness or annoyance.

A picture of the clouds, right through the plane’s window. I always loved these pictures the most. Years of visiting my grandparents and cousins in France had gotten me used to flying, and I took one of these photos on each flight. They all looked a little different: clouds, the sea, a city at night, miles of green fields. This one was white clouds, looking like a border between the sky we were flying in and the world below. Flying always made me feel small and big all at once, as if I was somehow disconnected from earth. I wasn’t a bad feeling, though. And in addition to that, this flight was actually different. As I had never been to Angeles (or in a palace, or part of a Selection, for that matter), it was like flying to a whole other world and a new part of my life.

A picture of the palace stairs. By now I was positively frightened. Not anxiously frightened, but the dreamy feeling of flying was over and the exciting-frighting reality had me back again. Avalon had told me in the car that she wasn’t sure if this had been the right decision. To me, it didn’t feel like I had particularly made a decision – the Selection had just grabbed me and brought me to Angeles. But now I was excited to take this chance of whatever it was that was waiting for us behind the doors. As I heard some of the people at the side lines of the red carpet even shouting my name, I suddenly couldn’t help a real smile creeping onto my face. Maybe this wasn’t going to be too bad.


	3. First Date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was the first actual challenge of the network, the first date! Anything Ashton says was roleplayed with @kilewoodwork on tumblr.

What exactly did one wear to a date with the prince? It wasn’t like I had been in the situation before, obviously. Normal first dates were supposed to be getting ice cream, going to the cinema or a restaurant. This wasn’t normal.  
When I asked my maid about the clothing question, she smirked. “You’re lucky I was a little quicker than to think about this half an hour before the actual date!” She pointed to the back of my closet, where she had put a plain blue dress. It wasn’t silky or shiny like the ones from before, but simple and yet stunning.  
“Debbie!,” I called out, “why didn’t you tell me? It’s amazing!”  
“Thank you. I was barely testing if you were going to come to the thought yourself one day,” she added smugly.  
I quickly got into the dress and left my hair down. Soon enough, there was a knock on the door.  
Debbie frowned. “Have you been expecting anyone?,” she asked sarcastically as I skipped over to open the door.  
“Oh,” I said in mocked surprise with one last glance at my maid, “hello, your highness.”  
“Hello Alizé,” he greeted politely as Debbie slipped out of the room, “what would you like to do today?”  
I was taken aback. He hadn’t told me I’d get to choose what we did, had he? Besides, I wasn’t going to go anywhere with _that_ name.  
“Please call me Liz,” I said, playing for time until I had an idea.  
He nodded. “You should call me Ashton, too.”  
I had finally thought of something. “I didn’t have anything in mind if I’m being honest, but what about doing something outside?,” I suggested, “you play football, right?”  
He looked surprised for a split second, but he was quick. “I do. That sounds fun.”  
I awkwardly waved a hand, indicating my dress. “Should I change?”  
A grin spread over his face. “I don’t know, _I_ don’t have anything against that dress.”  
I glared at him, and closed the door to my room again. I’d have to wear the dress another time.

Coming out of my door in shorts and a shirt, I could already see Ashton jogging down the corridor towards me. When he stopped, I could basically _see_ his glance moving along my body. “Subtle,” I remarked dryly, though he didn’t seem to be ashamed in the slightest, and I had to admit he didn’t look too bad himself.  
“So how long have you been playing?,” I picked up the conversation again as we walked through the palace.  
“Since I was quite young. A couple of guards taught me and I’ve been playing ever since,” he explained.  
“Are you playing in a team, or just in the palace grounds? Or actually, is there a palace team?”  
There wasn’t. “Normally just on the grounds,” he said, “I’ve become pretty good friends with a bunch of the guards, so during their off time we come outside and play for a while.”  
“That sounds great!,” I exclaimed, and I meant it. The prince being friends with the guards improved my impression of him for about a hundred times. “I always play with some of my cousins, the eldest of us insisted on it since he started playing professionally, so I’ve been playing each summer,” I told him.  
“I’ll admit it’s a little weird having more people at the palace,” he said with a laugh, “I never dreamed any of you girls would be interested in playing with me. Diplomat’s daughters and princesses tend to be not very interested.”  
“I can imagine!” I grinned at the thought of princess Sandrine of France running around in one of her pink dresses and playing _football_ of all things. “Growing up with a bunch of cousins, at least that’s the case when I’m in France, gets you to love some things you wouldn’t think about otherwise,” I added.  
“Are you close with your cousins? And the rest of your family?,” Ashton wanted to know.  
“Definitely!” I smiled. “My sister is probably my best friend, and having these cousins really is a lot of fun. What about you, do you have any cousins?”  
“My mother has three brothers, and they all have kids, so yeah,” he said to my surprise. “I don’t get to see them too often though, my uncles aren’t fans of the palace,” he added.  
“That’s sad,” I said, and I couldn’t understand these uncles. How could you abandon your family like that, even if they lived in a palace as huge as this? “Are you close to your brother?,” I asked Ashton.  
His face lit up at the question. “Yeah, Cody and I are very close. He’s a crazy kid, but he’s a lot of fun to be around.”  
I laughed. “You always do the craziest things with you siblings, right?”  
“Definitely!,” he agreed, “Cody’s only a few years younger than me, too, so we get along pretty well. I’m not saying we don’t fight, but we definitely like each other a decent amount.”  
“My sister is barely one year younger than me,” I replied at that, “many people think we’re even twins. Actually none of us can see it, but whatever.”  
“Really? I look nothing like my brother,” he said with a laugh.  
“You probably have the same nose or something,” I joked, and his grin deepened.  
“Yes, there is probably something hidden there,” he admitted, and then we had arrived outside. I was surprised to see that someone had cleared a piece of grass that even had soccer markings and goals, but I guessed if the prince himself wanted to play… He probably got everything he wanted, including 35 girls jumping around at his will.

But I was even more surprised – even though I shouldn’t have been – to see three guys and a girl kicking around a ball on the pitch. I glanced sideways at Ashton to see what he was going to do – send them away? I didn’t hope so, because sometime along the way, I had realized that my idea hadn’t been foolproof – football was more fun with several people.  
I was surprised yet again when Ashton suddenly sprinted off and stole the ball from one of the other guys by kicking it further.  
Was this a test? That way or another, I followed him straight away and blocked his way towards the goal. The girl in the goal and a sandy-haired guy cheered when I managed to get the ball from Ashton, and I passed the ball on to the guy. I assumed they were my team now. A few seconds later, I cheered as he had scored a goal on the other side.  
I turned around to see Ashton, who was talking to the other two guys, and he shot me an approving glance. “You’re not too bad,” he called with a grin. “But you’re still going to loose,” he added after scoring a goal himself.  
I rested my hands on my hips. “Most certainly not!”  
We continued playing – and bantering, which earned us a lot of amused looks from the others – like that for a while, until Ashton announced he should be going back to work by now.

Back at the door of my guest room, I smiled at him. “Thank you! I had a lot of fun this afternoon.”  
“Thank _you_ for talking with me, Liz. I can’t wait to get to know you better,” he replied with a wink.  
I fought the heat rising in my cheeks, hoping he didn’t see me blush. “Same here,” I promised.  
“Have a great day, my lady,” he said with a smile, and I couldn’t help but smile as well.  
“Thanks, and have a great day yourself,” I called after him as he was already jogging away.

In my room, I flopped down onto my chair, my cheeks still burning. Goodness, what had gotten into me? Ashton Schreave, prince of Illéa, wasn’t supposed to make me blush! But all in all, the afternoon had been a success. I was glad that talking to him had come so easily, not at all the awkwardly stiff conversation I had been expecting.  
When I told Debbie about it later, she luckily just laughed it off. “He’s pretty charming, right? But you have to promise me you’ll wear that dress on your next date!”  
I promised.


	4. A Letter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not relevant to any of the challenges, just a letter Alizé was writing to her sister!

The date hadn’t been bad, after all. I had the distinct impression that I didn’t stand a chance, but that didn’t matter at the moment. I just needed to know if what I had just heard was true, and there was only one person I could write to who would give me that information. I needed my sister.

_Lia,_   
_I’m sorry I only got to write to you now, I know you want to hear about the Selection. But there are more important things. I’ve heard a rumor going around about two attacks in France, with more than 100 deaths. Is it true? Are the others okay? I wanted to call you because I have no access to any newspapers or the TV, but they refused to let me, babbling something about “cutting the apron strings”. Can you freaking believe it? Quels priorités!? It’s really fucked up. I need to know if they'e okay, I’m honestly so anxious about it._

_Now, what am I doing here? Apart from worrying myself like hell, I still don’t really know. I’ve talked to the prince (Mr-please-call-me-Ashton-milady) twice now, and my first impression isn’t too bad. The first time was a little interview round, the second time our first date. Don’t get all freaked out now though, because he went on a date with all the remaining girls. Must’ve been a nasty bit of work with so many, n'est-ce pas?_

_But one thing’s for sure now: I completely fail at organised dates. When he arrived, he literally asked me what I wanted to do. I’ll admit that’s pretty clever, but you know I get the worst ideas when I’m stressed and believe me, I was. You want to know what I came up with? Playing soccer (him being a player and that). It actually saved my day that there were already people playing and we could join them (imagine a soccer match à deux?), but it didn’t feel like a date anymore then._

_Because yes, we talked a lot and I got to know a few things (t'imagine his oncles and cousins never come to visit because they hate the palace?) and yes, we got along pretty well, but there was nothing exciting or romantic about it. Like, he flirted a little (mais je pense qu'avec toutes – cocky bastard), and he winked at me (hônnetement?), but still._

_Later a lot of the others were pretty keen on telling the others how they had flirted comme un beau diable or how Ashton had even kissed them, and if all of it was true then this guy is the biggest fuckboy I have ever met. Mais tu sais, I don’t really believe about half of it._

_En plus, if it’s as formal as it is here, kisses on the first date still aren’t quite the best thing (oui je sais what happened last summer but that does NOT count because it was completement différent. And technically we kissed before our first date but not in the first few hours we spent à deux!) Stop laughing at me, I can hear it all the way from Angeles!_

_By the way, the other girls are mostly great company though, and if it wasn’t for the competition they’d probably be more fun to be around and plus relaxées. Of course one can’t like them all perfectly well, and some are quite exhausting, but the majority is pretty nice. I like Avalon for example, the girl who was on the plane with me. She’s a mess, mais très gentile, and great to talk to). I’ll definitely write you more when the actual drama starts though. It’s inevitable._

_Again, I hope everyone is safe at home and over there, and please tell me soon._   
_Reste sûre,_   
_Liz_

_P.S. I may or may not have blushed when he winked at me. I’m nothing in comparison though. I think some of the girls might actually be falling for him completely already._   
_P.P.S. Mon dieu, this is a mess._


	5. What A Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not challenge-related either! Ashton appears in this one, too, again roleplayed by @kilewoodwork on tumblr, thank you so much!

The next few days passed by in a sour mood, as everything seemed to blend into the background except for the news I was awaiting – except for the prospect of a letter that would tell me if my family was alive, or not. It was horrible. But of course, the other girls were as happy as ever, and the weather seemed to be on their side. When I woke up on Sunday, my room was already flooded with sunlight, casting it in a glow that made it look even more luxurious. That day we went on a group date, including all the Selected, Ashton and his brother Cody, so that it didn't feel like a date at all. The ocean was beautiful though, and the splashing water, the beach volleyball matches, it was enough to take my mind off for a few hours.

But now it was Monday, and my worries were unbearable by now. What would I do if anything had happened? It wasn't possible, I couldn't think about it. When I couldn't stand the uncertainty anymore, I decided to check if there had been a letter myself – I knew where the post office was. I started down the hallways, almost breaking into a run. I couldn't bear it if they were hurt, or dead. But this uncertainty was slowly killing me.

I rounded a corner, my mind still far off, and promptly ran into a person coming from the opposite direction. I gave a start, and tried to smile in what I hoped looked like an apologetic way, but then I realised who I had just run into: prince Ashton himself.

“Sorry, your highness,” I said quickly, intending on just passing him, but he wasn't going to let that happen.

“It's no problem, my lady,” he said friendly, but I was too troubled to pay attention to what he was calling me.

“Sorry,” I repeated, “I'm just in a hurry to check if a letter from my sister might have arrived.”

He smiled. “I was just coming to find you about that. I have it,” he said, holding out a plain white envelope.

“Thank you so much,” I gasped, grabbing it out of his hands and ripping at the envelope. Finally.

 _Liz_ , it said, they're okay. _The rumors were true, but everyone we know is okay._ I sighed heavily in relief. “Oh thank goodness,” I murmured.

“Are you alright,” Ashton asked from beside me, causing me to start. I had completely forgotten he was still there.

“Sorry,” I said for the third time that day, “I am. It's just, you know I have cousins in France, right? And I suppose you know about the attacks? I heard rumors about them, and as I felt totally shut out from the world in here – literally, I feel like the world could burn down and I wouldn't notice – without any news, I asked my sister what was going on, and this just said everyone was alright.” I was aware I was babbling, but I was too relieved to care.

“I'm glad your family is okay,” Ashton said politely, “I can try and find a way to get you a little more information about the outside world.”

“Thanks,” I said, taken aback. “But I'm sure we would actually notice if it was important – it's just a really weird feeling because I'm usually listening to the radio all day.”

“Well you know, we do have radios here,” he said, rather amused. “If you want me to get you one...”

“Now you're mocking me,” I accused with a grin. “But yeah, why not.”

Ashton was grinning, too. “Only a little, my lady. I see to it that one is sent to your room.”

“That's nice of you, thanks,” I said politely, but Lia's letter had caught my attention again.

 

 _I don't have the time for a long letter because I want this in the post as soon as possible, but there's some news_ , it said. _The attacks were actually dangerous, there was a bomb in the centre of Paris and they tried to get into Versailles, the royal's residence. No one is proven guilty yet, though. But the most important thing is, everyone is alright, we called them immediately. I'm just... How can someone do something like this? C'est horrible._

_But there's good news too – and I bet you won't believe them. I'm not even supposed to tell you... Nevermind. Our dear cousin Antoine got engaged! Now the bomb – engaged to princess Sandrine. I don't know more either at the moment, but everyone is stunned. He_ never _mentioned anything._

_A bientôt,_

_Lia_

_P.S. The Selection doesn't seem too bad so far, and I'm going to kill you if you get involved in the drama – just don't :)_

 

I had gasped incredulously at the news from Antoine, and now I was positively grinning when I looked up to see Ashton watching me.

“Secrets are no fun,” he complained, “what does it say?”

I raised an eyebrow. “Scared I'm keeping too many?,” I asked in mock pity and laughed. “But I can't really say because I'm apparently not supposed to know either... I think you might find out soon thought.”

But of course, he wouldn't let it go. “You see, I'm very stubborn, and I normally get what I want,” he said, and I scowled at that. Of course he did, he was the bloody prince! “Let me see that,” he said, trying to snatch the letter out of my hands.

“No!”, I exclaimed, but I was laughing too hard to put up a fight.

Meanwhile, Ashton was already skimming through the letter, and he, too, broke into a grin at the end. “It seems that you have some friends in high places,” he said.

“I had _no_ idea,” I said, still laughing, “and Lia hadn't either! That' going to be interesting,” I added as an afterthought.

“It'll definitely be interesting,” Ashton agreed.

“Don't tell though,” I said quickly, “it's supposed to stay secret. I think.”

“I won't tell anyone, don't worry,” he assured me, but then I saw the amused glint back in his eyes. “I will have to have a chat with the French Princess, however.”

“She didn't tell you either, then. Are you close to her?,” I asked. This surely meant that it was actually a secret, but why?

“We were friends when we were younger, yes,” he said, so clearly avoiding my question that I wondered whether he was making me curious on purpose.

“That sounds like you aren't anymore,” I tried my luck.

But he was still acting evasively. “We haven't seen each other in a while,” he said.

“Okay,” I said, and then a thought hit me. “I bet you will soon though – you're sure as hell going to be invited to the wedding.”

He smirked. “Well, it's just improper not to invite your first kiss to your wedding!”

I raised an eyebrow. “Now I see what that was about,” I said with a grin.

“We were young,” he said, as if he was some grandparent now.

I chuckled. “No need to defend yourself there, your highness,” I said, mocking him.

“I was so short back then that I had to stand on a chair,” he said, sending me into another fit of laughter.

“Now that's a nice image,” I said, looking up at him and trying to be as tall as he was while standing on my tiptoes. He was just too tall by now.

Ashton grinned at my hopeless attempts. “Let me help,” he said, and next thing I knew he had grabbed me around my waist to lift me up. “Like that.”

I was still laughing uncontrollably. “Let me down!,” I said between to laughs, “I get it, you've grown a little.”

“In more ways than one,” he said, but continued to hold me up.

“Very funny,” I said sarcastically, “everyone does, do they? Though it seems I haven't done much growing in the literal sense.”

“No, it seems you haven't,” he said and finally set me down again. “I'd have to lean all the way down to kiss you, like this.” I was startled when he actually leaned down. _What_ was happening here?

“Yeah, it's horrible, really,” I whispered, attempting not to look at his lips, but I couldn't help but wonder... He was way too close not to think about them.

“Just awful,” he whispered back, still not drawing back. “What if... I kissed you right now,” he said.

I smiled. “It'd kind of prove you wrong, wouldn't it, seeing you just called it awful...” I didn't know why I did it. It wasn't what I had come here for. But I stood on my tiptoes again and pressed my lips to his, closing the small distance that had been left. His response was immediate, even though he hadn't wanted to make the move to kiss me a few seconds earlier... Ever the gentleman. He slung his arms around my waist again, but this time I wasn't surprised. My hands found their way into his hair, and I was briefly triumphant that he couldn't dishevel my braids, before my brain went out. I wasn't thinking anymore, there was just him, and myself.

I took in a breath of air when we drew apart, looking up at Ashton's smiling features. “Maybe not as awful as I thought,” he said mischievously.

I was smiling, too. “See,” I said confidently.

“Let's just... make sure,” he said, and took me by surprise as he kissed me again. Our kisses were hot like the sunlight falling in through the windows, and I could feel myself wanting more of them.

I smirked in between kisses as we both drew in a breath. “Make sure _what_?,” I asked, though I already knew the answer.

“That it's not awful,” he said with another smile. His lips were still too close when he spoke again. “I might need just one more, so that I'm absolutely positive,” he said with a glint in his eye.

I grinned. “Hard to convince, are you,” I said, but I had already kissed him again before he could answer. Not that I complained he wanted more.

“I told you, I'm very stubborn,” he said, out of breath now.

“I'm convinced of _that_ now,” I replied with a smirk and took a step back to grasp my letter from the floor. When or how it had gotten there, I didn't know.

Ashton had put his hands behind his back, as if preventing them to do anything. I grinned at the thought. “Well, duty calls,” he said, obviously remembering something. “Can't be late for this meeting. Have a good day, my lady,” he said with a grin, “hopefully this won't be our last meeting of this sort.”

“Cocky bastard,” I said, still smirking. “I hope you're having a lot of fun at that meeting.” I turned around, the grin still on my face.

“It might be a little difficult to focus," he called after me.

I turned around again, continuing to walk backwards. “I'm _so_ sorry for you,” I said sarcastically, “it must be horrible...” I could still hear him chuckling when I had rounded the corner.

 

Falling onto my bed in my room, I still couldn't help the grin. What the heck had just happened? Firstly, my family was alive and okay, and that was all I could have hoped for. Secondly, Antoine was engaged to the French Princess. I still needed to talk to him about that one.

And thirdly, unbelievably, I had just kissed Ashton Schreave. Not just once. He was a great kisser, that was for sure, I had to admit with a smile. I just couldn't make out what it meant. Sure, it had been great fun talking to him so far, almost as if we were friends. And then this... I wasn't complaining, but still. It was exactly like the friends-with-benefits shit I had promised myself not to get into ages ago, and now here I was. Plus, it had been perfectly clear that he wasn't opposed to meet like that again – not that I was. I had no idea what was going on between him and any of the other girls, and frankly, I didn't want to know, but I was going to make sure I knew what was going on with him and _me_. I was not in love, I was still convinced of that, and I was positive he wasn't either. Couldn't be, the cocky bastard.

I sighed. This would take a lot of explaining when I answered Lia.

 


	6. Questions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not challenge-related! Ashton once again roleplayed by @kilewoodwork on tumblr, thank you Livi!

It didn't change anything. It was what I had to keep telling myself. It didn't change anything that I had kissed him. I could be getting my hopes up now, but what exactly was I hoping for? Besides, it was the truth that mattered – always. And the truth was that it most certainly hadn't meant anything – not to me, and even less to him, so that it wouldn't change anything.

Well, I had to admit that our little stunt in the hallway had probably bought me a few weeks in the Selection, but I didn't care about them, or at least I had thought I didn't.

Sitting cross-legged on my bed with my thoughts in one of the history books I had brought with me, I tried to do something useful. We had been working on restoring the history of the continent Africa, something that had gotten lost and shamefully unimportant in Illéa but important to me. I knew that my family originally came from a country called Camerun, but the only thing I had from there was the language, Kanuri. All of us had learned it from my grandma in France, giving us cousins a secret language if it was necessary, but it didn't have written signs.

The distraction didn't work, though. My eyes kept darting over to the radio Ashton had sent to my room shortly after the hallway incident. It was nice of him, and coming with a note:

_Dearest Alizé, I hope that this will help you feel more at home at the palace. I've programmed in a couple of my favorite stations, and there's a special disk inside it. Hope to have another hallway encounter soon. - Ashton_

I had already used it, listening to the news station for some updates. I still didn't know what to make of the person behind it all, but by now I was positive I wasn't the only one he'd had “hallway encounters” with. I was also pretty sure that every single one of us Selected had a different image of the prince – because I already knew he could be really sweet (got it from Avalon), he was easy to talk to and quite funny with me, and he could be a perfect gentleman if he wanted to. But he wasn't all sweet manners and charm, and I knew it. He could be arrogant as anything. He was too flirty. Sometimes I thought he was probably just trying to snog as many girls as possible. I doubted any of us had seen what he truly was like, and I doubted he'd show.

And that was what was bugging me. I valued honesty above anything, and handling someone who was _nothing_ but images on a daily basis was off-putting. I put the history book back into my bag. There was only one way to find out about Ashton's intentions – or about him at all.

 

I found him in a hallway somewhere on the first floor, and he started towards me.

“I was just looking for you,” I said.

He was already wearing that smart face. “Were you? I can't imagine why.”

I tried not to laugh at that. “I bet you can't. Surprisingly, I wanted to talk to you,” I said simply, although I still didn't know how address anything of it.

Ashton was smiling. “I do have that effect on women.”

Goodness, sometimes I wanted to shake him so badly that all the cockiness would come off.

“Shut up,” I said carelessly and led him back to my room. I didn't want to talk to him in the hallway again, and if... Well no, not going to happen.

“I don't know if you've noticed, but I like it when people are straighforward with me,” I started again when I had closed the door behind us, and immediately regretted the disgruntled tone. “I'd like to know what you actually want in the Selection,” I asked, a little politer now.

“A queen,” he said with a smile, making me want to scream. Was it really this difficult?

I started pacing up and down, trying to keep the annoyance out of my voice. “Do you think it'll work?”

“Finding a queen?,” he asked thoughtfully.

“Yes.”

“I don't really have another option,” he said after a while.

I huffed. “So you're willing to take the best out of the worst?”

“I guess.” He shrugged. “But I don't think you girls are the worst in any way.” I didn't fully believe _that_ , but I was too agitated to care.

“How do you believe in it? A bunch of girls, and the pressure to find a queen in any case, and to top it all off, the cameras?” I was still pottering around my room, not able to believe he was taking this so lightly.

It turned out he wasn't such an idiot. “I don't really believe in it,” he said, “but I figure some of you must be genuine. I feel like I'm a pretty good judge of character.” Some honesty, at last.

“I'm not,” I said suddenly, “a good judge of character, I mean. Half of the time I wonder if _you_ are being genuine.”

“And does that worry you?,” he asked back. “What do you want from this competition, dearest Alizé?” At that, I couldn't fight the scowl on my face. As soon as we were getting to the point, he was asking _me_ questions again. And if he thought calling me _Dearest Alizé_ would do any help – then there really wasn't any hope left for him.

“I hate when I don't know what to make of someone, so yes, it bothers me,” I said angrily. “And the honest answer to that is that I don't know,” I added with another turn.

But Ashton wasn't taking my anger. “What do you want to make of me, Liz?”

He said it so calmly, suddenly so serious, that I stopped pacing in front of him. He had finally realized the name thing. “I'd like to think you're nice, or funny, or smart, and non-manipulative, for instance,” I explained with an edge in my voice even I could hear, pointing a finger to his chest. “But all you do is give me smart little answers and more questions when all I want is to clear things up,” I accused. “You're being infuriating!”

“Maybe,” he said, “but doesn't that tell you something too?”

Was trying to show off his perfect character judgement? No thanks. “All it tells me is that you don't want to answer, assuming you're not only doing it to annoy me,” I snapped.

“Maybe I'm uncomfortable. Maybe I don't know,” he said, taken me by surprise. For once, I was quiet. If he was being genuine... I suddenly felt bad about yelling at him. I had no idea how the Selection was going from his point of view, but I still didn't trust him.

“Maybe I am, too,” I said after a while, “and I'm sorry, for being so impolite with you.”

“It's not impolite,” he said dismissively, “you can be curious.”

Curious? “I was literally almost yelling at you,” I said with an incredulous shake of my head.

Ashton just shrugged. “It happens.”

“Still.”

Suddenly his expression changed. “You'll just have to find a way to make it up to me,” he suggested with a wink, and I could feel the tension break. This was known territory.

“Can you please be any more desperate,” I asked with a grin. He was unbelievable, really.

He grinned as well. “I could be, but this ratio of desperation seems to be working pretty well for me.”

I raised an eyebrow. “You think so?”

“What do you think?,” he asked back.

Now it was funny, but I had to make a point. “There we go again with the counter questions,” I sighed, “I asked first.”

Surprisingly, he nodded. “I think so. Now enlighten me with your thoughts, my lady,” he said comically.

“I don't think it does,” I deadpanned. “I think things might work for you _despite_ your level of desperation, rather than because of it.”

“Failed again!,” he gasped dramatically. “How ever can I get what I want, my lady?”

I knew where this was going all along, and I shouldn't have liked it, but it was like the words came out automatically. “Figure it out yourself,” I heard myself challenging him.

“Tell me if I'm heading in the right direction,” Ashton said with a smile, taking my hand and pulling me towards him. I still hadn't gotten my answers. I should have backed out.

“Definitely,” I said with a small smile.

He put his arms around my waist. “And this?”

It was as if I had subconsciously made a decision, and nothing was going to safe me from it. Not that I minded being safed.

“You know what?,” I asked, reaching up to put my arms around his neck. “I'm simply going to get me what _I_ want.”

And I kissed him, as I had done the first time, and the only thought that occurred to my stupid mind was that this was what I had wanted ever since three days ago, that I wanted it again.

It was my breath against his lips and his lips still almost brushing mine when we broke apart and he spoke, a little breathlessly: “I like what you want.”

I smirked a little, still giddy from the kisses and my mind still fuzzy. “I know.”

For a moment, I thought I had seen the glimpse of an actual smile, unlike all the others he had given me, on Ashton's face, but it was gone in the flicker of the moment. “I do enjoy spending time with you, Liz. I hope you know that,” he said in a genuine tone. In that moment, I didn't care if he just enjoyed kissing me, because it seemed like that sentence was the most genuine thing that I had ever heard from him, and I was grateful for it.

“I do, too,” I said honestly, “and not just the kissing part, I hope you know that, too.”

A devilish grin spread over his features at that. “About the kissing part...”

I looked up, trying hard to look as innocent as I could. “Yes?”

Before I could start to think about it, he had pressed his lips to mine again, and everything blurred.

When our lips parted this time, I took a step back to clear my mind, even though a tiny voice inside of me kept telling me to get closer, to wind my hands into his hair, to...

I shook my head, saying the first thing that crossed my mind. “Not to ruin the good mood” - I smirked at the word - “but what did princess Sandrine say?”

Ashton didn't look particularly happy about it, but if I was going to continue kissing him I was also going to talk to him. “Haven't talked to her yet,” he admitted, “I've been pretty busy.”

“I can imagine,” I said, mockingly thoughtful, “what with all the girls running around...”

“Exactly.” If he had noticed I sounded like a jealous girlfriend, which I was as far away from as one could be, he had let it go. Thank goodness.

“I wish I could talk to my dear cousin though,” I said, switching back to the topic.

“We have phones,” Ashton said matter-of-factly, but I would have sworn he was mocking me again. I ignored the voice inside my head telling me how good his hair looked when it was disshelveled when he added: “And you could write letters.”

“I know that,” I replied, “but firstly, I've been pretty busy too. And secondly, every time I've used your phone so far, someone was standing right beside me.”

He chose not to comment on that. “What've you been up to?”

“Just Selection stuff,” I explained, “and I've brought some books from my history project group. You don't know anything about Africa's history that could be important, by chance?”

“I'm sure there isn't much I can tell you. It'd be clearer if you just looked in the library,” he said, “and I'm sorry you haven't talked to your family.”

“Thanks. But don't be stupid,” I said, “I haven't talked to Antoine in ages, but I will sometime soon.”

“I think the French will be visiting sometime soon,” he told me. “Maybe your cousin will come along.”

“That's amazing, I really hope he will!,” I called. Then something else struck my mind. “You speak french, don't you?”

He nodded. “Yeah, it's probably my best of the languages I know, but still not fluently.”

“Now at least I know not to speak about my secret plans in french in front of you,” I said with a grin. Not that I had any.

“Mm, maybe not,” he agreed.

“I bet you can't speak my third language,” I added. Goodness, was I trying to impress him? That wasn't worth it.

“What is it?,” he asked curiously.

“It's something africain called Kanuri,” I said, “my grandma taught us how to speak it.”

“That's cool. Will you teach me?,” he asked.

“I don't know if I can, it doesn't have any written symbols as far as I know,” I pointed out. Why would he want to learn it? Even I only knew about three people outside of my family who spoke it at all.

“Then I'll just listen to you speak,” he offered.

I smiled, and said something random, something I didn't think about, something I would have never repeated to anyone who could understand me, something I would forget I had ever said, and something I was never going to translate to Ashton Schreave. I had officially gone mad, and I stuffed the thought into the back of my head, for it to disappear forever.

A knock at the door spared me from inventing some translation for what I had just said as Debbie entered the room and Ashton was called back to whatever his duty was at the moment.

 


	7. The Group Project

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this takes place after the second challenge, a group project on the German Federation. Avalon was roleplayed by @ravenclaver on tumblr, it's so much fun!

Two days after I had last talked to Ashton we were all in the Women's Room again, we spent the majority of our time. I had been in the corner with a book, but it was impossible to concentrate with Yanely and Gracey's loud chattering and all the conversation going on, so I went to sit with Avalon, who was so far the girl I was getting along best with. I had thought about it a thousand times, but it all came down to this: I wanted to talk to someone about all of the crazy stuff going on here, and Avalon was the person closest to being my friend.

“Hey,” I said, sitting down. “Can I tell you something?”

“Sure, anything wrong?” She poured us some tea and glanced up.

I fidgeted a little. “I hope you don't hate me now,” I started, casting a glance around. I didn't know why, but being overheard didn't sound like the best idea right now. “I kissed him. Ashton, I mean.”

She looked startled for a moment. “Really? When? I'm not mad,” she said with a little laugh, “I wasn't expecting to even make it into the Selection.”

“To be honest, me neither,” I admitted.

“Was it on the first date?,” she inquired curiously.

I took a breath. “No. Well, two days ago for the second time.”

Avalon had just been spilling another cup of tea, but she looked up with a start. “Second time?,” she asked, surprised.

“Yeah,” I said a little sheepishly. “I didn't even want it to happen, it just... did? I feel a little bad.” It was true. But on the other hand...

“A little bad,” she said incredulously, “for who? I have a feeling you're going to be one of the top runners.”

I shrugged. “I don't know what to make of the situation right now,” I said, but she just sighed. Didn't she understand? “The thing is, I don't know if I want to be one of the top runners,” I explained. “I didn't think the Selection would be something I'd ever take seriously.”

“I can understand,” she nodded,” I wasn't even expecting to come! Besides, do you know how many other girls he's kissed?”

“No idea, curiosity is killing me,” I admitted.

“Well he hasn't smooched me so that's one off,” she said with a laugh, and added: “I'm actually kind of glad he hasn't, I don't even completely know him. You've talked to him, what's he like deeper down? And you've kissed him, but you're not really sure now if you like it or not?”

I shot her a glance. I most certainly didn't know him either. “I liked kissing him,” I started, “but although this might sound terrible, I don't know if I like _him_ , if you know what I mean. I'm really unsure about him, he's pretty funny, but I think he doesn't like talking about any of the deeper stuff. At least he's a pro at avoiding questions.”

“Oh I get it,” she said, taking one cookie after another from the plate. “I heard your date went really nicely!”

I took a cookie too. “It was more like something friends would do at the time. But what about yours?”

“At least you did something he liked to do,” she said, and laughed. “I heard Yanely went to play poker with him; apparently he's a bit flirtatious too.”

“He is!,” I called, causing several people to look up. Avalon snorted, and then we were both laughing so hard the others kept sending us funny looks.

“It's horrible,” I confirmed, “really, really cocky. Half of the time I feel like he's daring me to do something and then I think I got a little flirtatious too...” I trailed off.

“Oh my goodness,” she gasped. “Is he arrogant? I don't really know. I went on a date in pajamas and slippers.”

How was she even real? “Wow, you've got nerves, that's amazing,” I said with a grin.

“Not really,” she shrugged, “I was just lazy.”

“Still,” I insisted, knowing that I hadn't exactly been a nerve wreck but still remembering not knowing what to wear. And all that despite the fact that I didn't even care at that point!

“I was in my pajamas anyway and it was like nine,” Avalon said.

I smiled. “Did it go well though?”

“It's okay, I guess,” she said with a shrug. “Just some small talk which I didn't really enjoy, I'd get to the point. I could only agree to that.

“I don't know about Ashton,” she continued, “he seems...”

I nodded vigorously. “I know. I don't trust him.”

“Same,” she agreed, “and he's a little boring with the small talk, like... We all know you like biology and soccer!”

“Oh my goodness, yes,” I exclaimed. Admittedly, there wasn't much else we had talked about yet.

“Do you think he's cute?,” she asked, taking another cookie.

I grinned. “Sometimes.”

“Sometimes? What do you mean?,” she asked with her eyebrows raised.

“I don't know, he's a little too much of a flirt,” I said. If I was being honest, I hadn't thought of Ashton as cute yet. Maybe charming, and he wasn't ugly, but cute?

“And the only thing he told me that he might not have told everybody was that his first kiss was the french princess,” I added and took a cookie. If they were made in the palace kitchens, I would have to tell Debbie to tell her collegues how good these cookies were.

“French princess?,” she asked. “Oh perfect we're the German Federation for the group project.”

“Yeah, Sandrine,” I said. “My family is French though, I think that's why I'm in the German group.”

“Ohh nice! I'd love to speak French,” she surprised me. “It's so pretty, and I can only say like three words in French. And their singing is so pretty.”

“Yes,” I called out. “I definitely prefer it to English. Which words do you know?”

“Just the typical ones,” she said dismissively, and started enumerating. “Bonjour, mademoiselle, bon appetit, je t'aime Avalon...”

I grinned. “Yeah.”

“Oh wait,” she said with a laugh. “That's je m'appelle, I think. Isn't je t'aime I love you?”

“True.”

“I need to work on my French spelling,” she said with a mock shudder.

“I can help you if you want me to,” I offered.

“Sure,” she said, “I'd love to learn a new language sometime.”

We talked a little about languages and other stuff until we were called for dinner, and all in all I was glad I had talked to her about Ashton. It was so weird how she had obviously had such a different image of him – it seemed like no one of us would ever know the true Asthon, but only ever a side of him. There was a lot I didn't know – and a lot he didn't know about me, too, but for the first time since I had come here I could admit it: I wanted to know more about him, it was nice getting to know him. If I got the chance to get to know him better, who knew what was going to happen?

 

But first, there was this project still on my mind. It hadn't been a problem to work out information on the German Federation at all – though I was still assuming there was a reason I hadn't been in the group working on France. The only thing slightly off-putting was that we were supposed to rate our group members. Frankly, I didn't have an idea how to do it yet, but I guessed I was going to do my best on it, so I started scribbling a note for Ashton.

I had to start anew after realizing I had no idea to whom he was going to show these scores, but what I finally came up with was a pretty short note.

_Ashton,_

_I know I'm probably not a good judge at these, but here we go. You know we devided our group into three:_

_Past: Arielle, Scarlett, Gracebella_

_Present: Anjana, Roxana, Holly_

_Basics: Avalon (8), Parker (5), myself._

_I don't know a lot about the other groups, but I can tell you that the three of us were motivated. However, I ended up with research and Avalon put together the video, not leaving anything left to do for Parker. Bad teamwork I guess, so don't blame her for not really doing anything. Arielle and Gracebella were doing the majority of organising us into groups, and especially Gracebella pushed people when it got close to deadline. I can't say I appreciated the bossing around, but maybe it helped for some._

_Hope this was at least a little helpful,_

_Liz_

I gave it to Debbie to deliver it, hoping it sounded appropriate. It had been tempting to throw in a hint, to mock him about anything, but I didn't want to risk it right now. I knew I was bound to meet up with him soon, and anything could wait until then.

 


	8. Support

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you @kilewoodwork on tumblr for the roleplay because like... Ashton is so much fun to write about. Not as much fun as Antoine is though, you'll see.

Word had gotten around that Gracebella had slept with Ashton, and I tried not to think about it too much. It wasn't as if it changed my opinion on either of them, anyway. Gracey was the most instable human being I had ever met, and everyone who hadn't caught on the fact that Ashton was a fuckboy yet was simply naive, or an idiot.

I was on the way back from the library with my notes on the recent project – Africa. The search hadn't been too successful – only one book in the whole palace library could provide any information that was knew and valuable to me. But I also knew I wasn't going to give up any time soon. Maybe the only way to complete this project was travelling, and I was even looking forward to that, as I even had a language to rely on. I rounded the corner towards the guest room floor already planning out my trip, so lost in thought that I didn't see the person bumping right into me. Ashton. Again.

“Maybe I should start looking where I'm going,” I said. I needed to look up at him because he was still standing too close, but neither of us was moving backwards.

Least of all Ashton. “I'd prefer it if you didn't,” he grinned.

“Why,” I asked, “are you that sure I'd avoid you if I did look?”

“I just like being so close to you,” he said with a wink that looked awkward from my perspective.

I took a step back, not able to help the smirk on my face.

“Playing hard to get today?,” he challenged.

“No.” And I added, “but I don't like hallways.” I didn't like how that sounded, I didn't like it at all.

But apparently Ashton did. “Do you like bedrooms?”

“Depends,” I tried to evade the question.

But he wasn't going to let it go, and I knew it. “On?”

I sighed. Now I was going to at least find something out. “Whose room it is,” I said truthfully.

“Whose would you like it to be?”

Trying to find the right way to say it, I thought it over for a moment. “I'm pretty curious about how yours looks like,” I said at last.

“Then come with me,” he said quickly, as if he had been waiting for that answer. He probably had. Grabbing my hand, he started to run down the halls, me following close behind up a staircase onto the third floor.

“Here we are,” he announced, opening the third door on the right side. I walked into a pretty plain room mostly occupied by a giant bed and a desk. Some clothes were scattered on the ground, but it didn't seem like a room that was _lived_ in – except if he was inhumanly tidy like my sister.

“You really do keep your secrets elsewhere,” I muttered under my breath.

I hadn't intended him to hear, so I gave a start when he explained. “I don't spend much time here.”

I nodded, and he closed the door behind us, making me acutely aware of the fact that we were alone in his room, together with a giant bed.

Ashton took my hand. “I could get used to spending more time here, if I had some company,” he said, playing with my fingers.

I cocked my head, feigning I hadn't gotten the hint. I didn't need it. “Really?,” I asked, “what makes this room so horrible without any?”

“So boring,” he shrugged, releasing my hand.

I stayed where I was when he went to lay on the bed, crossing his arms behind his head. “Who have you got in mind as company?,” I asked. And here I was, flirting with him once again.

“Hmm I don't know,” he said with a grin, “couple of the maids seem pretty fun, don't you think?”

I resisted the urge to role my eyes, so I only said, “I think some of them are amazing.”

“That they are,” he agreed.

By now he was probably actually convinced I was playing hard to get, ignoring all his hints. But I wanted to be clear. Leaning against his desk and putting my notebook there, I explained, “I think it's fair for you to know that I have a line, I don't know exactly where it is. But I won't sleep with you.” I shrugged.

“Okay,” he said, unmoved. Moments later he was off the bed and walking towards me, until our bodies were touching with no space in between.

“I don't trust you, Ashton Schreave,” I whispered against his lips, and kissed him. As he kissed me back, I forgot everything for a moment. Where I was, what mattered. It was a dangerous moment.

A little out of breath, I said, “I might even like you if I knew you.”

“What do you want to know?,” he asked before he continued kissing me along my neck and jaw.

“Last I tried this I ended up asking salty questions and yelled at you.” It was barely a murmur.

“I remember.”

My hands had started drawing circles on his back while his lips moved on my skin. “Maybe you should tell me something you want to tell. You'll just avoid my questions anyway,” I said with a smile he couldn't see.

“I was afraid of the dark until I was twelve,” he said. Maybe it was nothing, but I knew he wasn't going to tell me much.

“What made you change your mind?”

“About the dark?,” he asked back.

“Yeah.” I softly turned his chin away from the skin below my ear, searching his eyes for a mocking glance. But either he was serious, or he was acting well.

“The dark can't hurt me,” he explained.

“Is there anything you're afraid of now?,” I dared.

He gave me a quick kiss on the cheek. “You,” was the swift answer.

Despite thinking I knew what he meant, I raised an eyebrow. “I'm not scary, and neither are any of the others,” I stated.

“It's not you all as people,” he confirmed my thoughts, “it's the fact that you're here. That I have to choose.”

If the Selection was the one thing he wasn't sure about, the one thing that made him uncomfortable, I didn't understand why he was doing it, and I told him so. “I know I said I wasn't good at judging people,” I added, “but you don't seem like someone who'd marry so young.”

“I have to,” he said simply, kissing my jaw again.

I turned my head so I was facing him again. I couldn't stand the way he was avoiding my eyes by kissing every visible inch of my skin. “It's not a good tradition.”

“Maybe not,” he admitted, and kissed me on the mouth again, slowly now.

“I wouldn't want it if I was you,” I said between kisses.

“It's my reality,” he said, “I don't get to choose anything but who wins.”

It was sad, if this was how he felt about life. “I get that,” I whispered. “I can't exactly pity you, but I wouldn't want to swap with you.”

Ashton slid a hand behind my head. “You don't have to,” he said. “Just kiss me.”

“Like that helps,” I replied, but I kissed him anyway because I wanted it, too, and because I dreaded and loved the seconds of oblivion.

“It does help,” he whispered against my lips, and the kiss deepened.

I didn't know how much time had flown by when we broke apart and I leaned back. “You're a mess,” I said, not knowing where the thought came from. I think I might be expected back in the Women's Room though.”

 

I was almost sorry for leaving, feeling utterly confused. Had I just had a conversation with Ashton? What a progress. Admittedly, all the kissing during it still counted, but still.

I ran into Avalon on the way back, feeling a kind of relief when she told me she had kissed Ashton as well. I had been worried me kissing him had damaged our friendship if I was honest – but I knew I shouldn't worry too much. There were people outside of family that I could trust, and I needed to learn that. Before we parted ways, she told me that she had dared Ashton to wear one of her dresses tomorrow, something only she could ever do. We laughed for at least two minutes straight imagining it, and I promised to help reminding him of his promise.

I entered the Women's Room walking in on what seemed like a spectacular fight. Gracey and Yanely were staring each other down, insulting and accusing each other. Winter was trying to calm the situation but ruined all her previous efforts with the comment that Ashton was acting pretty slutty, snogging at least six girls. I thought I had a pretty good idea of what was going on when Yanely finally snapped and insisted that she was simply disappointed and trying to protect a friend, and I didn't think either of them knew what this was all about. But I had a promise to Lia to fulfill about not getting involved in drama, and I intended on keeping it.

Avalon wasn't present, so I returned to my room to try and go through my notebook again. Halfway there I realised I wasn't going to find it there – I had left it on Ashton's desk. It was a moment of panic. What if he locked the door?

It turned out my worries hadn't been necessary. When I knocked at his door, he opened it almost immediately, surprised at seeing me again.

I gestured towards the desk. “I forgot my notebook in here.”

“Oh okay,” he said, sounding maybe a tiny bit disappointed, “come on in.”

“Thanks,” I said, “grabbing the notebook from where I had left it.

“What's in there?,” he asked curiously.

“Mostly stuff for work,” I said. It was the first time I wasn't telling him a whole truth. “A history project group at college. I'm trying to find out about the Africain continent more, but unsurprisingly your library isn't giving much away either,” I explained.

“I don't know how to help you out on that,” he said apologetically, “my tutors are gone now. You could maybe ask Cody.”

I shrugged. The plan to travel still stood. “Maybe I will, thank you,” I said out of formality and turned to leave the room.

“One sec,” Ashton said quickly, causing me to look back at him.

Before I knew what was coming he had pulled me into a kiss again. “You're welcome.”

I smiled. “You didn't really do anything.”

“I gave you your journal back,” he reasoned, “and graced you with another kiss.” He was grinning.

“I already thanked you for the journal, which wouldn't have been much use to you anyway. And I'm _so_ honered, getting a kiss from _you_ of all people...” I trailed off with a grin.

“I'll see you later?,” he asked.

I wasn't sure if he meant dinner or something else, so I asked cautiously, “What do you mean?”

“I'll come find you,” he said, “I want to see you.”

“Okay.”

After a kiss on my cheek, I left.

 

After dinner, Ashton was still giving me a headache. Was I ever going to leave him without at least a kiss? Somehow I hated myself for it, but I wasn't telling him no either. I hated myself for not caring about him being such a slut, and on the other hand still thinking about him and the others too much. I hated myself for letting him play along his rules instead of mine.

I remembered the last time I lost control all too well – though then it had been both of us – and I didn't need another emotional disaster.

Thinking about that last summer reminded me of something else I had wanted to do. Instead of my room, I went to get a telephone and dialed the familiar mobile number.

“Hallo?,” asked Antoine's voice.

“C'est Liz,” I said with a grin.

“Ah, le lizard, the other presque-royale in the family,” he greeted happily, but I wasn't taking any of it.

“Says who? I'm no where near being royal, and I thought you would be the one to understand, except now-” I trailed off, still smiling.

“I know, against all my principles, I'm becoming a prince,” he said triumphantly.

“Oh how I missed your puns,” I replied, my voice full of sarcasm.

“By the way, speaking English is probably good.” His voice was a little more serious now.

“Why, practising for being king,” I teased.

“Ah oui, it's really necessary, honestly,” he said in a thick exaggeration of his own accent.

I snorted. “I see. When's the wedding?”

“There's no date yet, but it'll take some. Until then you definitely have enough time to get kicked out of the Seleciton and then celebrate a reunion with your all-so-charming prince,” he said airily.

“That's _not_ what I was thinking,” I said indignantly. “I see Lia kept you up on what's happening?”

“Unlike you, everyone else still has phones,” he said humorously, and I groaned.

“Like it's my fault!”

We kept bantering, switching between the three languages, until a knowck on the door made me jump.

“Who is it?,” Antoine asked curiously, but I hadn't moved to open yet.

“One second,” I called, and to my cousin I said in a low voice, “80 percent chance it's Ashton, 15 for Avalon, 5 for everyone else.”

“The lizard and his royal sluttiness have a date?”

“You'll get yourself in serious trouble if you call him that, even if I support telling the truth at all costs. And no, but he said he'd come,” I said fiercely.

“I don't know your definition of a _date_ ,” he started, “but-”

“Don't,” I warned him, but I was still grinning. “If you excuse me, I'm going to open the door now.”

He snorted. “Have fun. And Liz,” he said, suddenly serious, “you're stronger than that. Do what you want, maybe you even fall in love, but don't let him get you down, alright?”

“Alright,” I promised. “Thank you.”

“Report back,” Antoine managed to call before I hung up and opened the door. His support meant the world to me, and he was right. Ashton wasn't going to become a problem.

 

For a second, looking at him was a déjà-vu of some weeks ago, when he had shown up for our first date. Pathetically, it seemed ages ago now.

“Hi,” I greeted, still smiling about Antoine's ridiculously happy jokes.

“Hi. Who's on the phone?,” he wanted to know. So curious.

I waved it off. “No one anymore. I called Antoine.”

“How is he?,” he asked, apparently remembering who that was.

“He's good, obviously,” I said with a grin, “it's ridiculous how happy he is with Sandrine.”

“Disgustingly?”

My grin widened. “Nah. I'm happy for him,” I told him, stepping aside to let him in.

“You visit France every summer, right?,” he asked.

“I do.”

“That sounds nice,” he said, flopping down on my bed, and explained, “getting to see your family so often.”

I nodded, the thought of all my cousins lighting my mood. “Summer has been the best time of the year for 13 years.”

“What do you guys do?,” he asked, maybe not understanding that just spending time together was amazing.

“Nothing special I guess,” I said, “but we're doing it together. And it's like having a second life that leaves the normal one behind, because it's different people and a different country. I don't even talk to them all year, except for like two cousins.” And from some people, I needed the distant right now, but that was none of Ashton's business.

The prince was still looking at me. “That's awesome,” he said. “And you get along with your family?”

Not wanting to sound any more rude because I knew perfectly well he didn't have that, I just said, “Yeah.”

“I wish I had that,” he admitted.

“I'm sorry you don't,” I said, meaning every word. “You have Cody, at last.”

“For sure,” he replied.

I looked at him from my spot still near the door. “Imagine not having a sibling. It'd be horrible.”

He shrugged. “It'd be pretty boring in the palace without anyone else here.”

I thought I knew that Cody didn't just mean entertainment to Ashton, but I let him be. “Not to scare you, but you won't have that problem anymore,” I said instead.

“I guess I won't,” he said, looking down at his fidgeting fingers.

Somehow I couldn't stand him looking so defeated about something. “Do you think you'll be happy?,” I asked tentatively.

He turned his head to look at me this time, and I was shocked to see the sad smile on his usually so cheerful face. “I hope so.”

“I hope so too,” I said with a serious nod, hoping he believed me. I meant it, because however he was handling this Selection, however he was sleeping around or however arrogant he could be, he still deserved happiness, and real happiness, not the brief happy oblivion of a kiss or a drunken night. If I could give it to him...

Ashton had turned so that his head was on my pillow. “Come here,” he murmured.

Hesitantly, I walked a few steps and crawled into my bed, his arm around me. “You do realise this is my bed you're inviting me into, don't you?,” I asked in an attempt to lighten the mood.

He hummed in agreement. “Appears to be so,” he said, pressing a kiss to my neck and pulling me close with my back against his chest. I could feel his warmth from behind, and cuddled deeper into the pillows, even feeling sleepy now after a long day.

I was scared of ruining the moment, but I needed this. “Can you-,” I started, “Can you not kiss me right now?”

He held me tighter. “Wasn't planning on it,” he said, and I relaxed a little more.

I couldn't see it, but I somehow felt he was just as comfortable. Had he closed his eyes?

“This is good, right?,” he asked after a while, uncertainty audible in his low voice.

I released a breath before answering. “Yes,” I said truthfully, feeling like I admitted much more than that.

The light patterns he was tracing on my arm weren't helping my sleepiness, and I had closed my eyes before I knew it. Stay awake, Alizé.

“Don't let me fall asleep,” he warned just as I had almost drifted off.

I smiled into the pillow. “What if you do?”

Somehow I felt him smiling, too. “Then you're stuck with me.”

I opened my eyes at the prospect of that. “I am not going to wake you up though,” I said categorically, “I hate when I have to do that to people, it makes me feel horrible.”

“You are too going to wake me up, or you'll have to sleep with me in the bed tonight,” he pointed out.

As shocked as I was by the realisation, I didn't have anything against that. Now I was the one avoiding the point of the conversation. “What if I fall asleep before I realise you did?”

“Then we'll still be sleeping in this bed together,” he insisted, and I had to finally give in if I didn't want to admit anything.

“I guess you'll just have to stay awake then,” I said.

His voice was barely above a whisper when he replied, “okay.” For a moment I was terrified he was actually dozing off, but it disappeared as I sank into the the pillows again. It was something I hadn't expected from Ashton – peaceful.

 


	9. Ups and Downs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just realized that my chapters all have such different length whoops. Well anyway... the usual thanks to @kilewoodwork for roleplaying on tumlbr. Also some things go down in this chapter you might not like, or like a lot (in case you're a participant of a certain Selection and don't like Liz...) well I'm not telling you it means anything in the end.

I woke up with the funny feeling of a dream I could only just remember, but every time I tried to hold onto an image it slid further away from my mind. I remembered a place, a person, a face, a raised eyebrow, and then it was gone.

An actual memory was stronger than the dream, and the thought of it brought me up straight, all the sleepiness wiped away. Last night I had fallen asleep in Ashton's arms, too sleepy and comfortable to care what it meant, but now, out in the bright daylight, it became clear. Well – at least a bit of it.

Falling asleep – you needed trust for that. And hadn't I told Ashton yesterday afternoon that in fact, I did _not_ trust him? Searching for excuses, I'd find sleepiness, being too tired to care, but that would mean lying to myself. _Face the truth, Alizé_. I had liked it, and that counted for more than all of our kisses combined.

The image of his sad smile when Ashton said he hoped he'd find happiness had burned itself into my mind, and I couldn't get rid of the feeling that I wanted him to be happy. I didn't understand it. He was still the same person. The same eyes that flicked a flirtatious glance and a wink at every girl within reach. The same lips that kissed a different mouth every day, every night. The same charming words that promised everything and nothing.

But. Even though he tried to hide it well, Ashton was still human. He was scared, and sad, and he wanted to escape, and he wanted happiness. Surprisingly, I thought I knew a little of the character that was Ashton Schreave for once. I didn't know if he had registered it when I had said it once, but he was a mess. A mess of hidden things and searching for escape, probably. He kept up the mask, and the charms, and he continued snogging everyone of the Selected. Wanting to help him out of his mess was dangerous, and I surely didn't have the sensabilty to deal with it. Was it wrong to see him differently now, maybe even better? Yes, it probably was.

 

Or so much quickly became clear when I sat in the Women's room that morning, still overthinking my own stupidness from last night. I hadn't intended on listening, but Holly wasn't exactly talking too quietly, or maybe I just needed a distraction. What she was saying immediately made me question Ashton's personality all over again, because apparently he had called sleeping with Gracebella a mistake in front of her – but rumor still had it they'd already done it a second time. I felt anger rising inside my chest. The prick had been lying to either one of them to make sure they were still into him, and that was so unbelievingly selfish and wrong that it made me want to vomit. Lies like these... However princely, Ashton wasn't going to get away with hurting any of these girls this time.

Shaking with anger, and to be honest, disappointment, I slammed my book shut and left the room to find him. It turned out he was sitting in the gardens, relaxing in the sun like he didn't care about literally anything.

I walked up to him, blocking the sun from his view. “Can I have a word?,” I asked as politely as I could.

He straightened up, looking around as if checking for overhearers. At this point I didn't even care. That's right, people let people hear about his lies! “Sure,” he said eventually.

I focused, wanting to say this as calm as possible. “First, rumor has it you told Holly that having sex with Gracebella was stupid, a mistake or anything, is that true?”

Looking taken aback, he quickly tried to defend himself. “It was stupid because I hurt people. But it wasn't a mistake. Bad timing.”

I barely refrained from snorting. Honestly, bad timing? I was fuming. “Not my point,” I waved it off. “Secondly, rumor has it you slept with her at least a second time, is that true?”

“Yes.”

I nodded. That was what I thought. “My point is, you told them both a different story,” I started, my temper getting the better of me. “Especially Holly has a completely falsified view of the actual situation now. Stop the lying,” I snapped.

Apparently exasperated by my anger, he sighed heavily, which didn't make me feel any calmer. “I'm not lying,” he said.

“Giving half-truths that obviously lead to a false impression is just as bad,” I scoffed.

“It's not my fault that Holly misunderstood what I said!,” he snapped, his anger rising as well now.

“Oh, so you didn't realize at all what you were doing,” I asked, my voice dripping with sarcasm as if it was poisoned. “You clearly made no effort to correct her.” I didn't know why I was defending Holly. But no one deserved to be lied to the face, and especially not the sweetheart girl of the Selection who was also the one who so fiercely believed in Ashton's good side of character.

By now Ashton was positively outraged as well. “I didn't know that's what she thought! God, you act like I'm the devil,” he accused.

“I don't,” I countered. Suddenly a dangerous calm had overcome my senses, but inside I was still fuming. “But I hate liars.”

“And I'm not one,” he deadpanned.

Sure. “You're not the most honest person either,” I said honestly.

“I'm a politician,” he said. As if that was excuse for anything.

“You know,” I started, dangerously close to exploding again, “if politicians weren't all such lying cowards and avoiding questions and problems” - he cringed a little at that, so I clarified, “I'm generally speaking, not talking about you – then our world would be much better.”

“Maybe,” he stated, “or maybe our world would be much scarier.”

I looked at him in disbelief. He couldn't be serious, could he? “Are you saying it's good that politicians cover certain things up so that people don't get frightened?”

Ashton just shrugged. “It's just more difficult than you think it is.”

I glared at him. Who did he think he was talking to, a twelve-year-old? “I'm not that stupid,” I said, angry with what he was implying.

“I'm not saying you are,” he backed out, “I'm saying it's very different than you could imagine.”

Because I clearly had the imagination of a wooden stick when it came to serious topics, sure. “That still sounds like I'm a dumb little girl. Explain it if you think I can't imagine,” I challenged.

To my surprise, he did. “When I'm not with you girls, I'm in meetings every second of the day to try and prevent wars, keep our people happy and healthy and keep this country running. I push every second of the day for the things I believe in.

“It's hours every day sitting at my desk, sweating because the Eights in this province don't have enough shelter or food or water. It's trying to help mend Caste Relations but not being able to do anything significant enough. It is keeping secrets from the people I love because I would never wish the stress of knowing on them.”

Hearing this, my anger had somehow vanished. But that didn't mean I agreed with him. “I believe that you do what you can, even though it can never be enough. Knowing that and still continuing is impressive somehow.

“But let me tell you this: The people already know. Their sons are in the army. The Eights don't have a home to come to at night, and the people notice. They take in two or three girls at night. The give out food. They give free schooling to poor people. They let people into hospitals. There are things happening outside these walls that show that the people know, that show that they're mostly willing to help – but they can never be enough either.

“And do you know what an impression it makes when the leaders of their country gloss over all of it and the only thing they talk about it the Selection? No matter how hard you work behind the closed doors, you still make them feel like you don't give a shit.”

He somehow looked less confident, or angry, now. “I can't change that. I'm not King,” he said, sounding defeated.

“Would you change it if you were?,” I asked.

His voice was barely a whisper when he answered, “I don't know.”

“Make up your mind,” I said, hoping he would actually consider what I was saying. “Do you really think you can improve all their lifes without including them, or letting them know anything?”

“I do my best,” I said solemnly, “but there are things I don't have power over.”

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes at him, knowing it wouldn't do any good. “I know you're not some kind of god,” I explained, “I'm just telling you that you might want to help people protect themselves sometimes. They aren't weak, they're just as strong as you are, a lot of them stronger, and most certainly stronger than me, too.” I meant it. Even though I tried to help where I could, I was still impressed by the people in states of complete hopelessness, by their ability to hold themselves up and still live.

“I'll figure it out eventually,” Ashton said with a shrug.

“You will find some solutions,” I promised, because it was the truth. He seemed to care, and if one wanted to, there was always a way.

There was a long silence before he spoke up again. “None of the other girls have talked to me about anything like this,” he pointed out, as if that thought had just struck him.

I wasn't going to let this turn into a conversation about the Selection, or the other girls, for that matter, so I shrugged. “These are things I have been bothered with all my life. I mean, I'm a three, I have a great life, but none of it is fair. How can you see a hungry child on the market and simply forget it the next second?,” I asked, desperate for him to understand. I did mean something to him, didn't it?

“Bringing it up with you is important to me, because as you said, you're a politician, one of the people "up there". I want you to notice,” I explained. It was the least I could do if I already had the chance to.

For some reason, Ashton looked reliefed about the whole situation. “I'm glad it matters to you, that this country matters to you,” he admitted.

But that only earned him a vigorous shake of my head. “Not the country,” I said. I honestly couldn't care less about it. “It's the people in it,” I said vehemently. He, of all people, should know that.

I watched the corners of his mouth tilt up a little at that. “That's what a country is,” he agreed. “Borders and maps don't mean anything.”

I looked up at him in surprise. This was the answer I had hoped for – but I hadn't expected it. “Sadly, they do,” I picked up the conversation again, “or what is war about again?”

“People.”

That shut me up for a moment, but I realized he was right. “True,” I said, “It's people wanting power, people dying, people continuing to fight...” I trailed off because I suddenly remembered a poem I had once read in one of the history books. _This is the war that never ends / it goes on and on my friends / people started it, not knowing what it was / and they'll continue fighting it forever, just because._ It made me shudder. War was the thing one was actually supposed to fight against. “I hate all of it,” I said to Ashton.

He smiled sadly. “I know.”

“It's terrifying and unnecessary,” I insisted, fully convinced. Who was stupid enough to start a war?

“Most of the time, yes,” Ashton said thoughtfully. “But isn't there anything you'd go to war for?”

I looked at him, shocked. Was there? “Not with a country against a country,” I started hesitantly. “Never, because it involves so many innocent people. At all times. But there are - even if the prospect is terrifying - definitely people I'd die for, kill for if that meant they'd be safe. And there are things in the world I know you couldn't fight with words. I would destroy these ill people responsible for the French terrorism if I could, for example.” Saying it out loud made me realize it was true. I wanted those people to be punished, to never be able to hurt so much as a fly ever again.

Looking up, I noticed Ashton was staring at me. “You'd make a good queen, Liz,” he said, taking me by surprise.

Now it was my turn to stare. If he meant that, I needed to ask myself I could do it. It wasn't something I had given much thought, but it was terrifying. Antoine said he could do it out of love. That aside, could I do it out of skill, out of nerve, out of determination? It was true that I wanted to change something, that I would always be fighting for it. Maybe I could do it from the top, too. But with the job came something else, and I wasn't ready to think about what that meant, so I nodded at Ashton with a smile. “Thank you,” I said earnestly.

I appreciated that he was actually being serious for once, as he replied, “Anytime, Liz, anytime.”

After a moment of awkward silence, I couldn't stand it anymore. This conversation was threatening to head into a dangerous direction, and I was desperate for a change of topics. “So... What's planned for today?,” I asked, trying for something easy. If Ashton was disappointment by it, he didn't show.

“Nothing really,” he shrugged.

“How come,” I asked in surprise.

“Meetings are done for the day,” he explained, and I wasn't going to ask if he had plans with any of the other girls. I might have been curious, but I knew I'd get everything that wasn't my business from the rumor mill eventually.

I thought for a moment, before suggesting, “Show me something I haven't seen in the palace yet.” I smiled, maybe looking forward to spending the day in Ashton's company.

He was quiet for barely a second, before he apparently came up with something, because a grin was spreading over his features. “Come on,” he said and started walking towards the palace wall. A part of me was still angry at him for turning the stick around and ending our argument, but I still followed him.

He stopped directly in front of the wall, only to push against it. I was about to ask what this was all about when the wall opened up to reveal a passage way going into the building.

Disbelievingly, I shook my head. “The people who built this clearly had a lot of fun,” I commented. I could even imagine the planners – _oh, and let's have a thousand secrets in here, maybe someday someone might like the idea to just disappear_. Not that unlikely, after all.

“Cool, right?,” Ashton asked when we were a few steps into the passage.

I grinned. “Depends on where it leads.”

“Anywhere,” he said. “These are all over the palace and you can get to virtually any place here with them. A few even lead under the gardens and into Angeles.”

Now, I had to admit, I was impressed. “Into Angeles...” I thought it over for a moment. All the possibilities. “Do you use them often?”

“I used to,” he said, maybe referring to a time before the Selection.

“It sounds nice though, to be able to just disappear,” I thought out loud.

“Definitely,” he agreed. “Almost no one knows about these too.”

“How far is it?”

He thought for a moment. “About three quarters of a mile to get past the gardens. I never went further than that on foot, people would come pick me up.”

That was actually kind of sad. “You're too important, hm?,” I asked.

He waved it off. “I just made good friends.”

I gazed at him incredulously. “So you've never been out there except when it was officially approved?”

“No I have,” he explained, “but my non-approved trips were always more fun.”

“I can imagine,” I said with a grin. “I can't believe I'm asking this, but how about some non-approved trip right now?”

He agreed, so we started walking down the passage way. I wondered how long it would take, so I asked him whether he knew about any exits.

“Not really,” he shrugged. “Don't worry, it'll be an adventure.” That brought a smile to his lips.

I smiled, too. “I'm not scared. Maybe we'll come out in a house, how about that?”

He chuckled. “That would be quite a shock to the homeowners.”

“Maybe not,” I considered, “what if they already use the passage frequently?”

He flicked me a look. “You don't think it'd be shocking to see the prince pop into your house from underground?”

“Fair point,” I said with a laugh, causing him to grin.

“So do you miss home?,” he asked after a while, changing the topic.

“I do,” I said carefully, “but it's not too bad. Maybe you know I've finished school, so I planned on travelling anyway – I still do,” I added.

“Where?”

“Anywhere,” I said simply. “But Camerun, for starters. My family come from there, and yet no one can tell anything about the people, safe for a language that might even be dead by now.”

“That's really cool,” he said, sounding amazed. He probably couldn't travel a lot, except for business trips.

“I'm curious,” I shrugged, and he grinned at that.

“I know.”

We walked in silence for a while, but I was fine with that. Until I finally thought something changed.

“Hang on, don't you think it's going upwards?,” I asked.

He shrugged. “Maybe”

“Definitely,” I insisted, and this time he agreed.

I shot him a look, one of the sort that basically sticked the tongue out, causing him to roll his eyes at me.

I spotted a wodden trap door above our heads. “There's no chance we'll be able to open this without causing a riot,” I said, but I grinned.

I looked up to see him grinning back at me. “Let's scare some civilians.”

Because I was still so short, he needed to help me up a little, but then I opened the trapdoor – only to slam it shut a heartbeat late. “I think someone just walked over my head,” I said with a laugh.

I got out on the second attempt, looking around. I was standing in the middle of a colourful market, and it was a wonder I hadn't drawn attention yet.

Looking down at Ashton with a grin, I said, “It's nice to be able to spit on your head if I wanted to for a change. And it's a market.

He climbed out with another roll of his eyes. “Wanna walk around a bit?”

Now it was my turn to roll my eyes. “I didn't come here to go back immediately, you know.”

“Alright, alright,” he grinned, putting his hands up in mock surrender.

We passed several stands with fruit, vegetables, plants, until we got to one of those tourist stands where you could by souvenirs and a ton of cheap jewellry. “You should get everyone one of these, based off their personality,” I joked.

“And what should you get?,” he asked in mocked horror, “I don't see devil horns or a pitchfork.”

“I don't see anything suiting you either,” I countered, “after all, no one would put what was it, a tube of tomato paste on a necklace.” The tomato paste was a reference to Avalon, who had told me before that Ashton liked to sneak down to the kitchen and eat a whole can of it – pure.

“Jeez, does nothing I say stay private,” he complained.

“What did you expect from a bunch of girls?,” I asked back. It wasn't like Avalon had done anything wrong. “But I think your disgusting little secret might be safe with the two of us,” I added.

“It's good!”

“It can't be!”

We kept bantering about the food, until he said, “Don't knock it till you try it!”

Admittedly, he had a point. Shit. “Fine,” I said, “I'll try it. But if I actually like it I'm going to eat a broomstick.”

He threw his head back and laughed, then grinned.

“Oh, there's no need to look so smug about it!,” I said.

“There's every need!,” he insisted, but I wasn't taking that. I was never going to like that.

“You have to try it with an open mind,” Ashton said when I told him so.

“Okay... I'll try it and pretend I'm actually looking forward to _finally_ eating this delicious thing someone recommanded to me,” I said ironically.

“That's more like it,” he said and lifted my hand to kiss it.

I scowled at him. “You're really trying all the methods just so I'll say I like it, right?”

“Maybe,” he said with a grin.

 

I watched the bought can with much apprehension. “You're enjoying this far too much,” I accused, but put some of it into my mouth. It was _disgusting_. “There is absolutely no way you can eat the entire thing,” I said through my grimace.

“I totally can.”

“I feel like I seriously need to rethink my opinion of you.”

He rolled his eyes. “You adore me,” he said confidently.

“I'm afraid I can't anymore, I said with a smirk.

He still had the flirtatious grin plastered on his face. “I happen to be irresistable.”

“That's what you think,” I deadpanned.

“That's what I know,” he countered.

I still smirked. “I believe I told you to stop lying earlier on.”

“Shut up,” he said, and before I could register what he was doing, he had pressed his lips to mine.

I kissed him back, losing myself despite where we were, despite who could see.

But suddenly something caught my eye in the corner of my periphery, and I backed away. A little girl in dirty and torn clothes was watching us, and calling back to whoever was standing behind her.

I quickly grabbed Ashton's hand and pulled him into a small street around a corner.

“Well hello,” he said, more surprised than anything else.

I gestured towards the marking place. “A kiss isn't exactly the right moment to be recognised by a little girl giving us curious looks.” It was still bothering me how poor she had looked, but I didn't want to bring it up with Ashton this time.

He just laughed. “It's fine.”

I shrugged. “I thought you'd care about that.”

“The whole country knows about the Selection,” he explained, “they need to get used to the idea of me with one of you.”

Well, and if I wasn't the right _idea_? “What if you're giving them the wrong ideas?,” I asked out loud.

He took both my hands and interlaced his fingers with mine. “Like what?”

I stared at him in disbelief. “Like the idea of you playing favourites when you aren't anywhere near making a decision.”

He let go of my hands, letting them drop to my sides. “That's what you think I'm doing?,” he asked, somehow shocked by my words.

“I think bringing one of us to Angeles, out in public, looks a lot like it, when you insist in interviews that you like everyone equally. Doesn't look good, does it?,” I asked, my voice sharp.

“This is a date,” he pointed out with an edge to his voice. “Normal people go into the city on dates. I've taken someone else into Angeles.”

I backed away. Oh, and what happened to “almost no one knows about these, too”? “Right, sorry,” I said coolly, propping myself up against the wall opposite to him.

He looked apologetic, but maybe that was all for show too. “I didn't mean to throw that in your face,” he said.

Somehow that made it even worse. “It's good you did,” I snapped, “at least you're honest.”

“I'm sorry,” he said.

_What for? For being an idiot?_ I shook my head. “You shouldn't be.”

“I don't know how to talk to you all sometimes,” he admitted. I feel... Weid dating all of you at once.”

I watched him. “If that helps, it also feels weird dating a guy and being okay with him dating ten other girls,” I said, knowing fully well that it was the last thing that could help.

“That makes it worse,” he confirmed.

“I'm not sorry I told you though,” I said. He should think about the consequences of his actions sometimes.

“Out of the well-known curiousity, is there anyone left in the Selection you haven't kissed yet?,” I asked, not quite sure if I could keep the accusing tone out of my voice.

“Yes,” he replied.

Something I had been wondering about ever since that day when we met in the hallway suddenly struck me. I still didn't know if I somehow regretted it. “Would I still be here if I hadn't let you?,” I asked.

“Yes.”

I decided to believe him. “Good,” I said, “and now I really want those strawberries from earlier.” I pushed myself away from the wall and offered him my hand. A silent peace resolution.

Ashton smiled and took it.

 

When we arrived back at the palace, I turned around at the door. We hadn't talked much on the whole way back, and I still didn't know what to make of our fight this afternoon. Or the one this morning.

“We're okay, aren't we?,” I asked before opening the door.

“Yeah, we're okay,” he said, and with that, I left.

 


	10. Something

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my contribution for the network challenge #3! I wanted it to fit in as well as possible with the other fics so here we go! Thank you @ravenclaver on tumblr for collaborating with me and making this concept!

That evening Ashton announced our project for this week: Charity projects for the Sevens and Eights in Angeles. I briefly wondered whether it had anything to do with my conversation with him this morning, but then I remembered all the things that had happened in between, and everything he had said. _Not everything is about you, Alizé_ , I reminded myself.

For the challenge I would obviously team up with Avalon, and we both agreed that this might be the first project in the Selection we whole-heartedly put effort in. Not for Ashton, but for the people. It felt like something useful at last.

I had told Avalon about everything that went wrong today, not only because she was my friend but also because she shared parts of my confusion – I hadn't felt this weird about anyone in a long time. Ashton wasn't per se a bad person, but he didn't make it easy for me to like him either.

I didn't even know why I cared so much. “I wish I could leave sometimes. But then I caught myself wishing I could make him happy” - we had agreed that Ashton seemed pretty sad. “I want to slap myself for thinking that though,” I admitted.

She laughed. “That's actually pretty sweet, but I also believe that last part.”

I grinned. “By the way, before any of us leave, we still need to pull off the dress thing,” I suggested. She had dared Ashton to wear one of her dresses once – and of course there would be photo evidence of that.

“What about right now?,” she asked, and I nodded.

“About time to make _him_ feel ridiculous for once.”

Everything went perfectly, and an hour later we were in the possesion of a memory card with three _adorable_ photographies of Ashton in a dress. It was perfect.

 

The next day we took the hidden passage Ashton and I had used when we went to Angeles, getting out again at the market. I still remembered the little girl from yesterday, and I had suggested Avalon that we'd do something for the children in our charity project. We had agreed that we wanted to talk to them first, mostly because they never got a voice, never got to decide anything. A boy and a girl of maybe fifteen and twelve years were sitting next to one of the fruit stands, and they approched us when they saw our wonderous glances around the place. Even though I had been here just yesterday, it seemed like I was seeing a new place – maybe I just hadn't paid enough attention.

“We're Marco, and Avila,” the boy introduced themselves when they had reached us. “Do you want a tour on foot around Angeles for a few dollars?”

I traded a glance with Avalon. “Why not,” I said to the boy, Marco, and they beamed.

They took us to a few places around the cities, and we managed to throw in some question about themselves now and then, learning they didn't have a home except for a horrible orphanage since their parents had died, and that the tours were just one of the many things they did to gain some money. They worked harder than I had in my entire life, and they did it since they were eight and ten years old. It made me feel horribly spoiled. This world was unfair, and I had known and seen and fought against it all my life, but seeing it like this was a whole other thing.

When we arrived back at the market, Avila asked, “Do you want to come and eat something with us?” Her brother shot her a terrified glance, but Avalon had already accepted the offer.

Avila beamed, and her whole face seemed to light up. The sight made me happy, and sad at the same time. “You'd have to bring food. Everyone brings something and then we share,” she explained.

We nodded, and bought three loafs of fresh bread and a bowl of mixed fruit from the market.

Avila and Marco were leading us towards one of the smaller streets, and with some horror I recognised it as the one where I had yelled at Ashton one day ago. They walked further than the very spot though, and turned right into a backyard.

Maybe another fifteen kids from six to seventeen years old were sitting on the floor, some of them with their backs leaned against a house wall, with a dirty blanket spread out in front of them, some food laid out. I was shocked by how little there was, even though I didn't know what I had been expecting – I shouldn't be kidding myself, these children were survivors.

Most of them looked up at the arrival of Avila and Marco, and then shifted their gazes towards us. They gazed at the food we brought with a hunger in their eyes that made me want to run back to the market and buy all of the food available just for them to stuff themselves just once.

We were invited to sit down, but it only took a few bites into a piece of bread until someone called out, “You're not just any tourists!” I felt Avalon shift beside me, when the boy continued, “You're in the Prince's Selection!”

This exclamation provoked a row of disbelieving stares, and insults towards the palace and Ashton.

“The Prince is a dirtbag who won't ever care about people like us,” a girl of maybe fifteen said, disgusted. “Why would you care?”

“I agree with you,” Avalon said through the still bantering children. “Me too,” I added.

There was a ringing silence that followed our words, until Avalon continued.

“It's true that this is all unfair. Plus, Ashton is an idiot, but maybe there still is hope for him,” she said.

I continued, “Yesterday, he told us all to think of a project to improve the situation of the Sevens and Eights in Angeles, so, you.”

That earned us a lot of sceptical looks, so I spoke up again, wanting them to understand. “It's part of the Selection, yes, but we think Ashton cares about you, too, and we honestly couldn't care less about getting kicked out if we did something to help.”

Avalon nodded. “We could be sitting in the palace and inventing expensive projects, but this is about you. What do you want?”

They were silent for a moment, and I wondered if we had said the right thing, defending Ashton, but after a while they started muttering. It was all about food, about shelter, about money.

Suddenly the girl who had called Ashton a dirtbag spoke up. “I want to go to school and be a doctor.”

Everyone fell silent at that again, until someone broke the silence. “Charlotte, you know that's a Three job. You're a freaking Eight!”

I wanted to speak up to defend the girl, but it seemed she didn't need my help. She was strong. “So what? Sevens can become nurses if they go to school, and so can I. If I'm good, I can be a doctor.”

I was stunned by her determination, and so were the other children. Then someone put a hand down into the middle, a move I didn't understand at first. “She's right. I want to at least learn reading and writing, too.”

His move soon became obvious, as the other kids starting discussing and nodding, because one after another, they joined their hands in the middle. Avalon and I followed suit when we realized everyone was staring at us.

“But how is that possible?,” a little girl of maybe eight years asked.

I exchanged a glance with Avalon, and she nodded.

“We're going to make it possible,” I said, “promise. Do you want to meet here tomorrow again?” I believed in what I said. Whatever the costs, we were going to give these children the hope they deserved.

They agreed, and Avalon asked, “Do you want us to bring food from the palace?”

It seemed like a battle they fought internally, but at last Charlotte spoke again. “If that's no problem.” It was so, so wrong. They, who needed it more than anything, didn't want the food if it was a problem for us, who had everything we could wish for in the palace.

“No one will bat an eye,” Avalon promised.

 

I didn't have any idea what the other girls were doing, mostly because I spent too much time with Avalon working on our own project, so that I didn't worry a lot about the other girls for once. I knew they were all working hard, but whether to impress Ashton or to do something helpful, I didn't know. I was fine with just spending time with Avalon, and I somehow dreaded the day one of us was going to leave – I would most certainly miss her.

We spent the rest of the day searching for a solution. In the library, we found out about a school in the city of Angeles for Sixes, which was a promising start. It seemed to have a lot of teachers, much space, and most importantly, a telephone number.

We decided to call, and we were lucky. It was easier than I had ever imagined to convince the teacher who answered the phone and one of her collegues to teach a group of homeless children after hours, for free. It was what I had already told Ashton: People were willing to help, if you asked them and let them. I knew from my parents – and my own situation – that teachers earned more than enough money, seeing they were Threes. A few extra hours that would save a child's life should never be a problem.

 

The next day we brought a huge basket full of food with us through the passage, and talked to some of the people at the market before going to lunch. Most of them were willing to bring the products they couldn't sell to anyone the next day and donate it to the children through Marco and Avila – like bananas in the wrong shape or a loaf of bread that was burned only in the slightest.

After lunch, we took the group on a fifteen-minute walk to the school we had called yesterday. Seeing them all so excited and giddy made me feel extremely happy, and I knew that Avalon was feeling the same way.

When we arrived, the woman we had been talking to greeted us at the door. She took the children to a classroom, where another teacher started their very first lesson, and took us to her office.

“See, I really appreciate your effort,” she started. “And I had another idea.”

We sat up straight. “Tell us,” Avalon said with a happy smile.

“This school is open day and night, because we can't lock the door. You said these children are all homeless, whether they still have family or not. I thought that maybe we can offer them this place as shelter at night,” she explained.

It was brilliant. “Yes,” I exclaimed, “that is amazing.”

“We could provide blankets,” Avalon added, and I thought about my maid Debbie, and how she could tell me how to sew them.

Afterwards, all seventeen of the group were chattering and beaming excitedly, and Avalon and I agreed that we couldn't have done anything better.

 

In the next few days we continued to disappear to Angeles, every time carrying food and a stack of blankets. We had started to teach the kids too – we were telling them about human rights, equality, about the chances they had despite the caste system, and I thought that maybe these classes were one of the most important things. If anything, I knew that I was going to continue visiting them for as long as I stayed in Angeles, and Avalon was going to do the same.

 


	11. Confusing Conversations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not a challenge contribution! Thanks to @kilewoodwork on tumblr for the roleplay :)

“So you think I'm ambitious, right?,” I asked Ashton. He had said that in an interview yesterday, when a reporter had given him 14 adjectives to sort to the 14 of us.

“Quite,” he said, “not overly though.”

I shrugged. “I guess I just want to feel like I do something with my life.” It was true. I didn't want to end up useless.

Ashton was smiling. “I know.”

But there was a reason why it had bugged me a little when he had called me ambitious. “People will just think I'm very ambitious in the Selection,” I said with a shrug. “That sounds kind of horrible.”

“Is it?,” he asked, and I realized my mistake. I didn't know why I kept insulting him. “Is it bad to want something here too?”

“No, I'm not saying it's horrible,” I explained, a little guilty. “I don't want to win at all costs though, and I wouldn't do everything just to win. You need to make a free decision.”

“Well I appreciate that,” he said, but he didn't seem fully convinced.

I had already been turning away, but I felt like it was hopeless. How could I tell him I wanted him when I wasn't even sure about it? Was that what he wanted to hear? It was all too confusing.

“Half of the time I don't even know if I want this!,” I blurted out. “I came here fully expecting to get nothing, and it's already so much more than nothing! Not that I blame you, but you're not exactly helping either.”

Ashton looked lost. “I don't... I don't know what you want me to say,” he said finally. Hell if I knew what I wanted.

I sighed. “I don't know either. Just... don't say anything?,” I suggested, turning away now. I was already regretting my outburst. Should he make of it what he wanted.

“Liz...”

I couldn't resist the urge to turn around again. “Yeah?”

“I...” He was still lost for words. “I want you to be here.”

I considered this, looking at the floor. “I don't want to leave, either,” I admitted.

“Good.”

 

Why, for goodness's sake, had I said that? I still didn't know what I wanted out of here, and now I hadn't only confused me further, but Ashton too. I was still contemplating about it when I passed Gracebella in the hall.

I believed we were the only ones who still didn't call each other _Gracey_ and _Liz_ , and by the look she was giving me, I guessed that would never change. I honestly had no idea what I had done to offend her, besides the fact that I had once said to Avalon how I didn't really like her. I still thought she was unstable, and I wasn't going to take it back. But she had no right to hate me for that, because even she had to notice that it was the truth, right? It wasn't even about Ashton or this competition, I just couldn't stand her, and I would be glad when I didn't have to deal with her anymore. One couldn't get along with everyone in the world. And she wasn't worth a fight.

I had more important things on my mind. The project for this week was going pretty well, and Avalon and I were going to head to Angeles this afternoon again, something I was looking forward to.

 

When I was on the way back to my room, I almost ran into Ashton again in the gardens. “I'm glad about what you're doing with this week's project,” I told him without any further greeting. I was still euphoric about how this afternoon had went, and I couldn't help but be thankful for giving us, and the children, this opportunity.

“You made me think of it,” he said.

A little part of me was smug about that, but another thought quickly made it shut up. _Still not everything is about you_ , I reminded myself. I was simply happy for the children.

“I'm probably being obnoxiously impatient,” I began after a while, wanting to change the topic, “but do you have any news from France? Antoine won't tell me a thing about a visit, even though he knows I'll know eventually.”

“Not really, but I think they're planning on visiting soon,” said Ashton, probably bored of this conversation.

But I somehow wanted his advice on something. “I think I'm going to tell the girls that he's my cousin sometime.”

“You can if you want. It isn't a big deal really,” he said. Sure, and who was the one who said I had pretty important connection to the French monarchy when asked for an interesting fact about me?

“I wasn't supposed to tell before it was official, but now... It's be weird if they come and I'm like oh, by the way that's my cousin Antoine.”

“Would he be bothered by it?,” Ashton wanted to know.

I smiled. “No.”

“Then tell the girls,” he advised. Maybe I would.

“Do you miss him?,” Ashton asked.

“I'd like to see him,” I admitted. “But it's not like it's different to the usual – although I couldn't go to France this summer. You talk an awful lot about the people I might miss,” I added, “Do you miss something?”

He shrugged. “I just don't know what it's like to have a family like that.”

“Family isn't always about who you're related to,” I said fiercely. “For me, that works. But for many others, it doesn't. You said you made some amazing friends in the palace. They're your family, just as much as your brother is.”

Ashton smiled at that. “Yeah, I guess so.” I was glad if I could make him see that he didn't have to be that sad about it.

We stood in silence for a while, and I didn't really know how to break it, so I said, “Is that just me, or have you actually toned down the flirting?” It was something I had noticed earlier on, and it had unnerved me a little if I was honest. I was joking, though.

He rolled his eyes. He did that a lot, I had noticed. “Would you like me to step it back up?”

_No. Yes. Maybe._ I took a step closer. “I'd like you to shut up sometimes,” I said instead.

“That's not very nice,” he stated.

“I know.”

He smiled. “I can shut up.”

“Oh please, when?,” I asked with a smile.

“Right now.”

“I'm pretty sure I can hear you talking,” I teased, but this time he didn't answer.

I grinned. “I'm impressed,” I couldn't help saying, and took another step closer, causing him to raise his eyebrows.

We stood there for at least an eternity, with me looking him in the eyes and him smirking. After a while he started to wave at me, but I wasn't going to give in this time. I grinned and caught his hand in mine.

He twined our fingers together, and I did the same with our other hands. We were standing close, almost touching, and just held hands for a moment. I couldn't help but stare at his lips.

_Hi_ , Ashton mouthed, and I almost called out triumphantly.

_You lost_ , I mouthed back with a grin, and he shook his head.

Nodding my head, I insisted that he had indeed lost, which earned me another roll of his eyes.

When I still nodded, he crossed his arms. He had let go of my hands that were still warm now. I raised an eyebrow, and he responded by kissing my cheek. Okay, if we were going to try these methods...

I put my arms around his waist, still looking at him. I didn't know where it came from, but suddenly I wanted to kiss him so badly it almost hurt to be this close. But I wasn't going to give him that satisfaction.

Maybe he felt similarly, maybe not, but he put his arms around my shoulders and tugged me towards him so that I had to look up at him from barely an inch distance.

I could see him smirk, his mouth as close to mine as it could get without kissing me. It was too close for nothing to happen, and I realized I was going to explode if he wasn't kissing me soon.

I hadn't thought it possible, but he leaned even closer to me when I wiggled my eyebrows at his smirk, and I tangled one of my hands into the hair at the back of his head.

Then, finally, his lips were touching mine and I was kissing him back. It felt like an eternity since I had last kissed him, and I didn't remember how I could have stood it. Ashton was messing with my mind.

He smiled. “I'm gonna talk now,” he said, “shutting up is boring.”

“You still lost,” I said with a triumphant smile. Whether because he had talked first or because he had kissed me first, I didn't know anymore, but it didn't matter.

“Maybe,” he admitted.

“Definitely.”

He grinned. “I didn't know it was a game.”

“It was a challenge,” I corrected.

He tried to defend himself, “I was silent for a while!”

“I know,” I said with a grin. “Maybe you can shut up for another little while.” With that, I was kissing him again.

“I don't really want you to shut up,” I said when we pulled back a little.

“Oh, you don't?,” he asked sarcastically, causing me to smile.

“Not at all times, no,” I admitted.

“Tell me more.”

“What do you want me to say?,” I asked him.

He winked. “Something nice.”

“Only if you say something nice as well,” I challenged to buy me some time. It shouldn't be too hard to compliment him, should it? “I think you try your best for everyone, and that's pretty impressive considering that a, it's a lot of people and b, you probably don't even like what you're doing sometimes. I know that's your job, but I can only guess how much nerve one needs for that.”

He thought for a while. “Hmm... I guess you're pretty nice,” he said, “and gorgeous.”

I snorted. Was he being serious? “Thanks,” I said, maybe a little offended. “That's something you can say to everyone though. Sorry, but you need to be a little more creative.”

“Ah damn it,” he sweared, amused.

“It's only fair,” I insisted, curious about what he might say.

“You're one of the smartest and most caring people I've ever met,” he said after a while. “You always want to learn more, you're never satisfied. And you'd always put others before you.”

At that, I smiled. Whether or not he meant it, I didn't care at the moment. “Thank you.”

“Of course.”

I thought it over. “It makes me sound like an angel though.”

“And you aren't one,” he asked, startling me.

“No one is,” I said, flicking him a glance.

“Maybe,” he said, “but maybe angels have flaws too.” Goodness, he was being too cute to me for his own good. Since when did he do that?

“Maybe,” I repeated his words, “but I'm still not one.”

“Let's agree to disagree,” he suggested, and for once, I was okay with that.

Ashton leaned forward, and then we were kissing again. Not that I complained.

“I have a question for you,” he said suddenly, pulling back from me. “And I think it might ruin the mood.”

How bad could it possibly be? A ton of scenarios crossed my mind, but I only raised an eyebrow. “If it's important, shoot.”

“Do you...,” he started, “Do you want to stay here? Would you be happy here for the rest of your life? I'm not saying that I'm choosing you, but... if I were to.”

I stared at him. What did it mean that he was asking this?

“I think...” I broke off and started again. “I told you I didn't want to leave. That hasn't changed. I'm having... trouble picturing it, being happy, staying here. But I think I could be,” I admitted carefully. This was the question. If he were to propose to me, would I be able to say yes? I knew I could, but it was all still so insecure, all so confusing.

“You'd never get to travel the way you want, summers in France would be over,” Ashton continued. “I want you to stay... but not if you're going to have to sacrifice things you love.”

Looking up at him, for once showing how much he cared, I suddenly thought that maybe I really could. At least what he was saying shouldn't be a reason.

“Family stays family, no matter where I go,” I said, fully convinced of what I was saying. “This is not about them, it's about me, and about you. And right now I want to stay.”

“Okay, then you'll stay,” he said, somewhat relieved if I was right.

“You can't protect me from losing anything,” I said.

“I can try,” he insisted. But he couldn't, even if he really wanted to.

“Not always.” Didn't he understand? “But thank you,” I said anyway.

Ashton kissed me again, softly this time.

But if he was saying these things to me, what was he saying to the other girls? I had sworn to myself not to care about their relationship with him, but it was getting harder every day.

Eventually, I pulled back from him. “I have a question for you, too, and I think it might ruin the mood more than yours did,” I dared to say.

“Yes?”

“You have so many girls competing for you, and I know you spend a great deal of the time kissing them, or more. How do you do it? Do you... feel anything about that?,” I asked, hoping it didn't sound too bad.

“I do. I'd never push anyone to do anything with me that they didn't want to, but it's something that's important to me. I want to know that I'm compatible with someone physically as well as mentally. it's not just me wanting to fuck someone, a lot of emotionally attachment goes with it,” he replied. I didn't know what to think about it. If I had been his girlfriend in a normal world, then I would have thrown him out in an instance. But this was different, wasn't it?

“How do you stand emotional attachment with so many people?,” I asked instead.

“I like all of you, I like being around all of you. The hard part is figuring out who I feel romantically towards,” he explained.

“I get that,” I said. Really, I couldn't even figure out if I felt romantically towards one person. The same thing with more than ten girls? Goodbye.

I smiled at him. “I'll see you tomorrow?,” I asked, knowing Debbie would be expecting me back soon. Not that she cared where I was going after dinner, but I didn't want her to have to work that late.

“For sure,” Ashton promised.

“True,” I said with a smile, “I wouldn't be able to avoid you even if I wanted to.”

He agreed, “Very true.” Which it was. One of the disadvantages of a palace.

I stood on my tiptoes to kiss his cheek, then turned and left.

 

I had dialed the number even before I fell onto my large bed. Lia took the call after the second ring.

“It's Liz. You cannot, ever, repeat _anything_ of what I'm about to say to anyone, okay?,” I said without further preamble.

“Sure,” she said. “You'd better speak Kanuri though, I'm at this party.”

“Okay, swear it. Not even Antoine,” I insisted, speaking the African language now.

I could practically hear her rolling her eyes. “I swear.”

“Lia... What would you say if I told you I'd say yes if Ashton were to propose to me?,” I asked her.

My sister was silent for a moment, and I could hear the people talking in the background. “Liz, are you being serious?”

“I told you, _if he were to_. It's not like he will tomorrow, and I have no idea if ever,” I said.

Lia sighed. “I know. It's just... you know it's pretty dangerous, right? But if you _were to_ love him... Then I'd be happy.”

I chose to ignore her not so subtle emphasis on _were to_. “Do you think it's wrong to have... like a feeling that it might be possible?”

“Well...,” she debated, “he's an arse, I guess. But if he's improving...”

“He isn't,” I said immediately. “He told me he was making out with everyone to see if he was _physically compatible_ with them.” I grimaced.

She snorted. “Wow, what an explanation. I mean, he probably even means that, but it's still another stress factor on the list for all of you.”

“You tell me,” I grunted. “But it's not like I can do anything about it.”

“Do you want to?,” she asked, a wicked undertone in her voice.

I propped myself up against the pillows. “I don't know if I can take it seriously when he asks me if I'd be happy to stay here all my life, but the next hour he's fucking someone else.”

“He asked _what_?,” exploded Lia.

I sighed, and told her about our conversation earlier. Ashton had sounded pretty serious during it, but how could I be sure?

“Well however this will end, if you love him you need my approval,” Lia said after a while, causing me to laugh.

“For sure. If I make it to the elite or so, there's some kind of family day,” I said.

“And Antoine gets to see him before I do!,” she complained, referring to the fact that he was probably visiting with Sandrine soon.

“I know,” I said with a grin. “I hope he survives it.”

“Yup, it's going to be a hard day for _his royal sluttiness_ ,” Lia agreed.

I laughed. “Would you two stop?”

“Never.”

“By the way,” I started, still in Kanuri, “I have to admit I might not be able to avoid drama for much longer.”

“Liz, what did you say this time?,” Lia asked, alarmed.

“I didn't even do anything that bad!,” I defended myself. “I just think Gracebella totally hates me.”

“That's the one who fucked him first, right? Also in the hoe squad?,” Lia asked bluntly.

“Yes.”

“She's all over the news,” my sister reported, “people are handling her as one of his favorites because they were seen in Angeles together a few days ago. As were you,” she added.

Of course, of all people, it had to be her whom he had brought up in our argument in the city, the other girl he had brought there.

“Anyway,” I said, “when Avalon and I talked about our first impressions of the others a while back, I might have called her condition unstable, but I didn't think anyone would have overheard.”

“Oh Liz...,” Lia said, “she's making your life hell, I guess?”

“No, not yet. But you should have seen the look she gave me in the hallway today... If looks could kill, I'd be dead,” I told her. “I literally did nothing bad! She's exaggerating all of it, and if she continues that I'm going to jump up the walls. And of course that made me like... at least three other enemies, because of the hoe squad. They aren't even all so bad, I think I like Winter, too, but well, if she insists that I'm a backstabbing bitch then I can't do anything else but give the compliment back,” I ranted.

“Do you want me to come and tell her to fuck off?”

“And you're the one telling me not to start any drama!,” I accused.

“Yes,” she said shamelessly, “but they can't throw me out of a Selection and ban me from possibly finding the love of my life.”

“I've had enough of _finding the love of my life_ by the end of last summer,” I said honestly. It wasn't that bad with Ashton yet. _Yet?_ Goodness.

Lia laughed a little. “Maybe you should try.”

“I thought you said Ashton was an arse?,” I wanted to know.

“I also said that if you love him, then either he'll improve or I'll force him to,” she said.

“You never said that,” I protested. “But I know what you mean. No matter whom he marries, if or when I leave, I'm going to give him a real speech and make sure he'll never even think about cheating.”

“I know,” Lia said, “you'd even do that if you were second to Gracebella.”

“100 per cent,” I said, switching back to English now. “You should go back to that party. And if you talk about what I said in the beginning...” I threatened jokingly.

She laughed it off. “I won't, sis.” I knew I could believe that. And I wasn't going to talk about it with anyone else, either.

 


	12. Nerves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again no challenge contribution! thanks @ravenclaver, @the-selection-bitch and @nooneismorepowerful on tumblr for roleplaying (you read that right, no Ashton in this one, but a lot of girls!)

The week after our charity projects, I was once again walking in the gardens with Avalon. We had been talking about Ashton as well as my recent fight with Gracebella, and I was feeling drained of the Selection.

“I wonder who will be eliminated this time”, I said.

Avalon nodded. “I went through who's left. It's getting down to the Elite.”

“I know,” I said, “it doesn't feel like it to be honest. Like... in some weeks Ashton will have to propose to someone and that just seems so impossible.”

“I know! I'm honestly wondering if some girls are going to leave on their own will”, she explained. I had thought about that too, but I mostly didn't know about a lot of personal things about the other girls.

“I'm honestly betting on you”, Avalon said after a while. She smiled.

“Ugh stop”, I said with a scowl. “I hate the fact that he's dating so many girls at once but maybe then I shouldn't have applied for the Selection. And if he was in love, he'd probably not make out with us all, because... I don't know how it is if you started out like this, but usually when you're in love with someone, being with someone else just feels freaking bad.”

Avalon sighed. “Yeah. I guess we'll just have to see if Ashton ends up falling in love.”

“I don't know if he will”, I said.

And there we were, talking about Ashton again as if our life depended on it. Actually, maybe it did. But lately all our conversations seemed to end in a screaming session about our feelings and confusion, because Ashton was simply destroying my nerves.

“I need cookies”, she said after we had once again ranted about the Selection. If anyone ever overheard us we would probably end up dead.

“Let's get some”, I proposed, and she agreed.

“I'm going to gain 23098509 pounds from eating so much junk food”, she joked, causing me to laugh.

“Maybe if Ashton is a superficial jerk it'll throw you out”, I speculated. “And then I'd know he's a jerk and I can leave too. It'd literally solve all our problems.”

“Yes!”, she said enthusiastically, “that is a great plan. Get your knives let's go and get this done.”

“Yes”, I agreed. Joking like this relieved a little of the tension that was building up inside me every day.

“And then we can ride away with stacks of food from the palace into the sunset”, Avalon said.

I laughed. “I know! If we're already stealing from them we might as well run with it.”

We ended up only in the kitchens, but that part of the plan was good enough itself.

 

A few days later I decided to finally talk to Gracebella. Our fight was just another stressor in the Seletion that no one needed, and we really shouldn't be fighting. I found her in the Women's room one day when it was almost empty.

“Hey, can I talk to you about something?”, I asked, standing in front of where she was sitting.

“Sure”, she said hesitantly, and I sat down.

“I know we haven't exactly been on the best of terms, and I just wanted to say I'm sorry that I said you were instable. I meant to tell you earlier that I didn't actually dislike you, but...” I shrugged.

Gracebella fiddled with her thumbs for a moment. “I appreciate that you're trying to apologize, and I will try to accept your apology, bit I'm not sure I'd really like to be friends with you, the fact that this fight started the way it did tells me a bit about you, it tells me that you say what comes to your mind with little thought, and in some cases it's great, talking your mind can be a really good thing, I'm just not sure i would like to be friends with someone whom has shown they can easily say things without taking for account another person's feelings. And I'm sorry if anything I have said has offended you, I know from personal experience that the walls here are thin so you may have overheard me say some nasty things about you, that's something pretty awful about me when I'm hurt I kind of forget common courtesy. But thank you again for apologizing”, she explained at length.

I wasn't sure what to think about that, but I chose not to risk fighting again. I was fine with a truce.

“We should try to get along at least”, I suggested, and she agreed.

We continued to talk a little about our lives at home, and the projects we had been doing so far. I was a little surprised by how easily we were able to talk to each other, even if it was just smalltalk. She excused herself after a while to meet up with Yanely, and we said our goodbyes. I just hoped this would work.

 

It didn't take the other members of the so-called hoe squad to catch on the new truce between Gracebella and me. Cillia found me sitting on a bench just a day after I had talked to Gracebella.

“So, I hear you and Gracey talked and have an agreement or something”, she began, sitting down next to me.

“That's true”, I confirmed, “we try to get along now.”

Cillia raised an eyebrow. “Key word there being try, I imagine.”

“We'll see”, I said with a smile. “Honestly, I don't want to fight with her.”

“No one wants to fight with anyone”, she commented. “It just happens. Anyway I'm glad that you guys are trying at least.”

“Me too”, I admitted.

She nodded. “I hope it lasts – you seem like a generally nice person and it seems silly for it to be a kind of _us against you_ situation, when it's probably not necessary.”

Suddenly a door opened up to our left to reveal Winter coming out of a room. She looked a little off, but happy, and gave a short wave into our – or more Cillia's – direction. Judging by her expression, she was pretty surprised to find the two of us talking.

“It's definitely not necessary”, I said when she was gone. “Also we don't need more stress factors in the Selection.”

“That is true”, Cillia agreed, “this whole thing is plenty stressful on its own.”

After a while we both got up, and I went into the gardens.

 

As it wasn't a Friday, I was slightly surprised to have a microphone shoved into my face the second I stepped out of the doors.

“Hello there, Lady Alizé”, the reporter said. “I'd like to do an interview with each of the Selected, would you be willing to answer a few questions?”

And there we were talking about how stressful this is. I put on a smile. “Of course”, I said. I wasn't generally opposed to giving interviews, but it was really bad timing at the moment. Especially for the first question.

“Where do you think you stand in the Prince's heart?”, the reporter wanted to know.

The truth was, I hadn't talked to Ashton in ages, not since he had asked me if I wanted to stay and told me I would if I wanted to. I knew he hadn't been talking to the others a lot either, but it was still something that was bothering me somehow.

“Who knows about his heart?”, I told the reporter. “I know he cares for me. In his mind, I would dare to say I have a pretty high position. But his heart? I don't know.”

Really, this reporter was asking the wrong questions to the wrong people. If she had asked me about _my_ heart, that would have been more interesting – and more impossible to answer.

“Next I'd like to address a rumor that you are politically having a relationship with Lady Avalon that is greater than friendship, any comments?”, she asked next.

I was taken aback. I hadn't heard of that rumor before, and I definitely didn't need it to spread.

I shook my head. “That is not true”, I said with a little laugh. “Avalon is a great friend though, and I think that's just as valuable.” Which was the truth. I was so glad I had met her in the Selection, and we were also planning to spend the next day together in Angeles.

But the reporter wasn't finished yet. “Another rumor says that you and Lady Gracebella were/are at war with eachother, any clarification of if this is true or not, and or your statment on the fight?”

Well, there she came exactly one day too late to increase drama. “It's true that we had a fight, mostly due to the things we said about each other behind our backs, but it's out of the world now and I'm glad about that”, I explained.

She quickly changed the topic. “If you were to become queen what is one of the things in Illéa you'd change?”, she asked.

Now these were the questions that would actually lead to something. “I think it is the most important thing to help the people in the castes eight and seven”, I began. “And I think everything we can achieve, it will be better if we involve the people personally, if we talk to them. So yeah, I'd improve the dialogue between the royal family and the people, and next I'd want to do something to improve education.”

“Lastly do you think your connections to the French will sway Prince Ashtons choice at all, or are you confident you can get him on your own?”, she wanted to know.

I tried to hide my scowl as best as I could at that. _Get him_ sounded so bad. And if anyone thought that it had an impact what Antoine did... Well they were simply mistaken. But I was also a little surprised by how quickly the people had figured out my connection to him after it had been made official and I had told the other girls.

“I don't think Ashton cares about the fact that Antoine will marry Sandrine. It literally doesn't change anything. Oh, and I don't want to "get him". It's his choice in the end”, I anwered what was hopefully the last question of the interview.

I didn't get disappointed. “Thank you, that will be all”, the reporter said, and left with her microphone and other equipement.

I had officially had enough of the Selection for the next few weeks if anyone asked me. But I still stayed. And I wasn't going to leave, because I had made a promise to Ashton, and it was a promise I had meant. I wanted to be here.

 


	13. The Council

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my contribution for challenge #4! Thank you @eadlynmydear on tumblr for roleplaying :-)

“This week, I expect you to develop a programme that will help to improve Illéa”, Ashton announced on Monday. “You will have to give a presentation on your plans at the end of the week. Include how your project will be realised and what motivated you to do it.”

I started thinking. It was a possibility to just continue Avalon's and my project with the Angeles children, but that felt like cheating considering I was already planning on doing it as long as my stay here would last. I was still visiting the children every second day, and Avalon did, too. In addition to that, this project had to be more general – it had to help people all over Illéa. And as far as I had understood, we didn't need to realise it this week – just present the idea and its opportunities.

 

For the first few days, I didn't have any ideas, and I was beginning to think I would simply be thrown out for whatever I produced the the three days that I had left because it had no potential of becoming anything extraordinary. But I wasn't going to give up.

When I left the Angeles school for homeless children on Thursday, I suddenly had an idea. Wouldn't it improve the people's situation drastically if they could just tell the royals what was necessary to improve it? There was little to political contact between the rulers of our country and the people – and maybe we could change that.

Maybe the children could be some help, at least. I just wished I knew it would get realised – as it was there was no chance I could tell them what was possible if it was probable that they would get disappointed. But what would they say if they met the royal family? They didn't all like them and admire them, naturally. In their situation, what did one think of a government that tried to help them, but was never even near a significant success?

I was tempted to find Ashton and ask him whether my idea was probable to be realised – and if he would be willing to cooperate with it – but I didn't. If Lia and Antoine had been there, they'd have told me I was avoiding him, which was utter nonsense, but I still had the feeling that talking about the project with Ashton was like cheating – although in my case, it probably wouldn't have been.

The matter was, I wanted to bring them together, the people and the royals. I knew Illéa had city and province councils, but there was no council that brought the royals together with anyone. I wondered how they even knew what they were supposed to do when they could never normally walk a street and talk to people. I made a mental note to ask Ashton about that next time we talked.

But however they were doing it now, it wasn't enough, because nearly nothing was done that directly helped the people. If we could organise a weekly, or even monthly council that consisted of members of the government and changing representers of the people – that would be a great improvement for the dialogue, or so I could imagine.

 

The following morning, I went for a walk in Angeles. On the streets, I spoke to some people to hear their opinion of a project like mine. Would they even participate in it?

It turned out that most of the people on the street were keen on talking to the government, even if they just wanted to complain about their situation to them. Admittedly, the result of my research wasn't as natural as I had hoped for because the majority of the people I had been talking to had recognised me in the first second – it would have been better to send someone else to know what they actually thought. But I had also wanted to make the experience myself, so that was out of question.

 

I spent the rest of Friday and Saturday in my room, working on the concept of my project presentation.

What had motivated me to do this project? Firstly, it was the contact with the children. It had shown me that they needed more than just a home and food, they needed a voice. Secondly, and this was something I was somehow afraid to tell – France. A reporter had talked to me about my second home lately, and she seemed fully convinced I wasn't devoted enough to Illéa to become queen because I had roots somewhere else. What nonsense. But it was true that the situation in France was sometimes better for the people because they had a parliament – a constitutional monarchy. A blind person could see that misery and homelessness were far less problems in France than they were in Illéa, and I believed that we needed to involve the people to change something.

How did I want to realise this project? I had to present it to the king and queen themselves, which was what scared me most – even though we had been living in the same place for months, I didn't really have a good idea of them, and that also included Cody. I made another mental note to change that in the future. I needed to ask the royals during my presentation if they were willing to cooperate – that was what decided if my project was going to be successful. But the rest was all planned out. It would be important to make announcements on the reports to attract people for it, since it was obvious they weren't opposed to the idea. But maybe I needed allies in the palace too.

 

I left my room to find someone, anyone who could be of help in the council. Debbie had told me where I could find the governmental offices, so now I was on my way to the eastern wing of the third floor.

A closer look at the doors told me that the first office on the left belonged to Mathilda O'Connor, the advisor for social affairs.

I took a deep breath. This was necessary, if I wanted to make a change. I knocked.

“Come in”, came a voice from inside, and I opened the door.

“Good afternoon, Ms O'Connor”, I greeted her when her eyes widened at the sight of me. I could see her covering up some probably secret documents on her desk, but she was smiling.

“What can I do for you, Lady Alizé?”, she asked politely.

I smiled. “For this week, we were asked to present a project to improve the general situation in Illéa, something that directly affects your office”, I began, and she nodded.

“I heard about that.” She flicked me a suspicious glance.

“I'm not asking you for ideas”, I hurried to assure her. “But my project cannot be realised without involving at least parts of the government, and therefor I am here.”

“Go on”, she said, interested now.

I nodded. “I believe that one reason why the people in Illéa partly are in such a bad living situation is that they cannot do anything to improve the situation themselves. They are, in no way, politically involved, and that also provokes the frustration I experienced in Angeles against the royal family. That is why I had the idea of starting a council that consists of members of the government as well as people from all castes in order to give them a voice.”

Ms O'Connor was silent for a while, looking at me. “I take it these councils are not designed to hold any political power?”

I nodded, wishing it wasn't true. “If they work well and lead to constructive ideas, my hope is that the present members of the government will involve their people's opinion in their work. But strictly seen, these councils are only the first step to improve the dialogue between the rulers of our country and its people.”

She smiled. “I think you should go further. Propose to install an official parliament in Illéa.”

I stared at her, shocked. “I'm afraid that would be impossible to realise and wouldn't exactly please the royals I am presenting to”, I said carefully.

“What makes you so sure?”, she asked provocatively.

“People who have power usually want to hold it forever”, I said.

“True”, she agreed. “But we all need a little shock sometimes.”

“I think I should start small”, I countered, “so that we have a basis to work with. No one can create a parliament out of no where, and my project would lead to nothing.”

She seemed to understand that. “All right, I can surely say I would participate in such a thing”, she promised. “I can ask around my co-workers and send you a list of all the people willing to cooperate”, she suggested.

“You shouldn't be helping me”, I protested, but I already knew that this would help the project immensely.

“I should, since I think it's an important idea!”, she countered. “And I will. You decide if you use my list.”

I smiled. “Thank you.”

“I should be thanking you”, she said, and dismissed me.

 

In my room, I flopped down on my bed. This hadn't at all been going the way I had imagined it. I had imagened to have success maybe the third or fourth door, with someone less fitting for the council. In my head, I had had to fight for my project. This felt wrong, but it was also comforting to meet someone who thought I was doing the right thing.

I had been talking to Avalon about my ideas too, and she seemed to like the idea, but I still hadn't been so sure it would work before I got some support. After all, the project was supposed to be realistic.

 

Ms O'Connor came personally to give me the names of her co-workers who would like to take part in the council, and she left me a list with more than ten names, which was way more than I could have collected on my own in these days left.

I was working on my presentation again when she knocked on my door and Debbie answered.

Looking over my shoulder, she said, “I would like working with you, Lady Alizé”, but before I could even thank her, she was on her way back to her work. It was the third time someone had told me I would make a good queen, and I knew myself that I would like doing it, that I would be good at it because I actually _wanted_ to do it. But I began to wonder now that it wasn't about our skills this much anymore. I myself had told my sister that I would say yes if Ashton were to propose to me – and it wasn't because I wanted to be queen, it was because I wanted to be with him. Ashton had said that he was looking for a queen first, then a wife, and then love. But I had a feeling that if he found the latter, the other two became unimportant. And the further we got into the competition, the more it seemed probable that he could actually find it.

It made me feel weird that we hadn't talked in what seemed like ages, and that he didn't seem to seek my presence anymore. I missed spending time with him, laughing and talking and kissing, and even arguing with him was better than not seeing him at all. If he had given up on me, then I wanted to leave, because if I got attached to him even more than I already was, leaving would hurt a thousand times more. It was better to come tenth than to come second in this competition. But as long as I wasn't sure, I wasn't giving up.

 

Afterwards I took a walk in the gardens, where I spotted Holly. We hadn't talked a lot yet, but she seemed like one of the most genuine girls in the Selection, and seemed to really like Ashton. I didn't care if that made her my one of my worst competitors, how could I hate her?

“Hey, how are you feeling?”, I asked her when she was within earshot.

“I'm doing okay, what about you?”, she replied, a little reserved. I couldn't blame her for it. I knew I wasn't exactly popular within the group after my fight with Gracebella.

“I'm pretty good”, I began, “if you don't count that I'm constantly reminding myself I don't _want_ to fight with Gracebella.” I smiled slightly.

“I was wondering about that, what started the fighting anyways?”, she wanted to know.

“Well...”, I started, a little embarrassed that I had began this mess. “I said she had an instable condition, which probably wasn't really fair”, I admitted.

“Hm. I know there's been a lot of drama with her, but yeah I can see how that wouldn't be fair”, she agreed.

“Actually we're trying to get along, but I still don't actually like her and I have to be careful”, I explained. It was true. I didn't know what made me feel so itchy about her, but it was there.

“Well that's good”, Holly said, “I never liked drama between the Selected. Why don't you like her? If you don't mind me asking.” She smiled.

“No, that's okay”, I said with another smile. “Honestly, I don't know. That's probably just me being unfair again, but I just... don't.” I grimaced. “I'm not making sense.”

“Sometimes there's just those people that rub you in the wrong way”, she said with a shrug. “I get it.”

“Yeah”, I agreed, and considered. “Maybe I'm just jealous, but that would be the last thing I wanted.”

She looked surprised. “Why on earth would you be jealous?”

I raised my eyebrows, knowing how ridiculous I would sound. “Because Ashton likes her.”

“Oh, I see”, she said. “I thought it might have something to do with her, not with Ashton. But yeah, Ashton really does like her...” She sighed slightly.

“The thing is, if he liked someone else that much – literally anyone else – it wouldn't be that bad”, I said frustratedly. “I'm horrible.”

“You're not”, she insisted, “I totally get it. Sometimes I feel the same way, but I think it's just because of everything that's gone down between them and how much we all know.”

“I know”, I exclaimed, “I wish I knew less, and I never even asked.”

“Me too”, she agreed. “I feel like it only makes the competition that much harder.”

“You always feel like you have to be even better than the others, and that's just so much stress that's probably unnecessary”, I said.

“Exactly!”, she agreed exasperatedly. “And I hate feeling that way because we should be free to be who we want to be without any pressure from anyone else.”

“True!” I shook my head. “I wish Ashton could be himself with us too.”

“I feel like he's himself with us half the time and then the other half it's like he's not sure where he stands with us”, she explained. “But I... really like being with him in the times that we've been together.”

“I feel like I can never be sure with him, and I'm having problems trusting him”, I admitted. “But yeah... Me too.”

“I just think everything with Gracebella has made everything with him twice as hard, especially with trust”, she agreed. I knew it probably wasn't only Gracebella that unnerved me, but she was right.

“Yes”, I agreed, “I find it so hard to believe he cares about all of us after that, because I don't know how that works for him. It wouldn't for me.”

“I don't know, maybe he's just as lost as the rest of us and isn't quite sure what to do”, she suspected.

“I can imagine that it's at least as hard for him as it is for us.”

“Definitely.” She sighed. “This is a lot harder than I thought it would be.”

“Same, I thought I would be out of here after two weeks”, I explained.

She laughed. “So did I, I never really thought I'd make it this far.”

“I didn't think I'd _want_ to make it this far... look where we are now”, I said with a laugh.

“It's pretty incredible”, she smiled.

“Can you imagine it? Staying here forever?”, I asked.

“I've never been one to fantasize about stuff like that, but when I do let myself think about it... I get so happy. I would love it”, she said brightly.

I could only admire her for it. “Wow, that's so nice”, I exclaimed with a smile. “I want to stay too, but I'm still so unsure about it. I wish I knew what I wanted.”

“I think I know what I want but I'm too scared to admit it.” She smiled nervously. “Do you know how you feel about Ashton?”

I hesitated. Deep down, I knew what the answer was. “Yeah”, I said slowly. “I'm too scared to even think about that let alone admit it to myself.”

“I'm definitely in the same place”, she said. “It's all just so much.”

“This whole thing is so confusing”, I agreed.

“I just want Ashton to come out with it so I can just finally feel better, but I don't even think he knows yet”, she said.

“I don't think he knows either”, I replied. “But if it's not me... I'd better want to know immediately.”

“Me too. And I'm sure he will soon, at least I'm hoping, now that it's down to the Elite”, she said.

I sighed. “I have a feeling it's only really starting now. I also feel like it's becoming more serious and everyone who is still here actually wants it. Because he specifically asked me if I wanted to stay, otherwise I probably would have been out.”

“Oh really?”, she asked. “He hasn't asked me at all, but I have mentioned that I like it here.”

“I think it was because we talked a lot about my time in France, and about my plans to go there and travel and all that”, I explained.

“Oh okay, that makes sense”, she said.

“Actually that's one of my main issues with becoming queen”, I admitted.

She looked at me. “Is it because you wouldn't be able to travel and all that?”

“Yeah, it feels like you're less free”, I said with a shrug.

“I guess you just have to decide what you want more, Ashton or everything else”, she stated with a little smile.

I barely refrained from snorting and settled for a smile. I knew she was probably right. It scared me that she probably was, and that I still wanted Ashton out of it all. “That's a little drastic, isn't it?”

“I know, I guess I couldn't think of any other way to put it. This whole competition hasn't been anything but drastic, it seems.” She laughed.

“It's true in a way though”, I admitted. “But I mean, my family will still be my family, no matter who I marry”, I repeated what I had already told to Ashton.

“I agree completely, my family is so important to me!”, she exclaimed.

“Same”, I replied, considering if I should tell her about Antoine. “I don't know if you heard about that”, I began, “but my cousin is engaged to the French princess, and I'm so excited because they're probably coming to visit the palace soon, if I'm still here then it'd be amazing.”

She looked surprised, but not angry, which was a relief. “That's amazing!”, she called. “Obviously I didn't hear about that.” She laughed.

“That's kind of nice to hear”, I said with a laugh. “It's the first thing every reporter say to me now: Do you think Ashton will choose you because of your relations or can you get him on your own?”

“That must be annoying”, I said, “I hate when they ask questions like that. It's like they have no idea that there's more to a marriage than connections, I mean of course it's important for royalty, but at least for me it means more than that.”

“Of course!”, I agreed. “And I think Ashton doesn't give a damn at all about Sandrine and Antoine.”

“That's definitely good, he doesn't seem like the type to care about stuff like that”, she said fiercely. “It's only the reporters.”

We continued to talk a little about our projects for this week, and how we didn't want to lose contact to anyone in the Selection after leaving, another thing we both agreed on.

When I went back inside I felt like maybe I could be friends with Holly. It had been great to talk to her, and she was genuinely nice. Avalon was still so unsure about all of it, and if she had to quit, and Ashton wasn't in love with me, then I wished it would be Holly who won his heart. I had realised for myself that I wanted to be with Ashton, but if it didn't work out – I wished her all the best.

 

The next morning, I had to give my presentation. I waited with the other Selected to enter the room where Ashton and his parents were waiting for us. I was the second one to go, and I greeted everyone politely. Ashton gave me a bright smile, which would have been motivating if I hadn't already been on the verge of exploding because I wanted my project to succeed.

I smiled back, and started my presentation.

In retrospect, it had been going extremely well. The king and queen seemed impressed with my work with Ms O'Connor, and with how I had planned organising the council. They even agreed to take part in it themselves someday, if they found the time.

I took that as a clear maybe, also known as a polite declining, but I still had hope. It hadn't been all bad. And even if I had only got them to think about what I was saying, that was an improvement for the current situation. If they were afraid of loosing their power, which I couldn't know about, then I just hoped they would listen to the people more anyway. Just for that my presentation had been a success.

 


	14. Elimination Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of people this time! @ravenclaver, @kilewoodwork, @lady-cornmuseur-prinz, @nooneismorepowerful and @gracebella-sinclar on tumblr, thanks to all of you!

Along with the usual Selection stress, the reporters had been giving each of us a hard time. On top of the fact that I still hadn't talked to Ashton in days and that I was still trying to figure out how I should talk to his brother, they were unnerving me.

Just recently, one of the popular Illéan magazines had published our latest interviews, and at that occasion accused me of wanting to hand over Illéa to France. Not the best timing, considering that the French royal family was visiting soon and it had already been revealed that Antoine was my cousin – if I was seen with him we would be marked as the two evils of Illéa.

In addition to that, they had published public polls. According to them, Gracebella was Ashton's favourite, and also the best to become queen. As if that wasn't enough to ruin my mood, I had been voted “Meanest Selected”, which was still getting on my nerves. What had I done to deserve this hate? I didn't know, and I could only hope that it wouldn't ruin everything I might have had in this competition. I knew it was important to be admired by the people, and I was boiling with anger at these results, but I knew I had to concentrate on what was important. It would only get worse if I interfered now, I simply needed to convince them with my actions. If that was possible.

Luckily, I had made it through the eliminations, but that failed to actually lighten my mood. He had thrown out Avalon, and I already knew I was going to miss her a lot.

“I'm going to miss you even more!”, she insisted when I visited her in her room. “You know I've kind of been expecting this, but I'll miss all of you.”

“We should stay in touch”, I added. I still couldn't imagine palace life without her – it was going to be weird.

“Definitely!” As an afterthought, she added, “gosh, what if you actually win? You could be the next queen of Illéa!”

“I know”, I replied, “it's so terrifying.”

“I'll try to stay updated on what's happening.” She smiled.

“I'll keep you up, maybe you can give me your number?”, I suggested. I didn't want to lose contact to any of these girls, and never to her.

“Oh my goodness”, she called suddenly, “we could have a bunch of little Ashton and Liz's!”

Despite the situation, I broke out laughing. “Goodness, stop talking about mine and Ashton's kids!”

“We also still have the memory card!”, she called out suddenly.

“True! Maybe we'll need it for blackmail some day”, I suggested with a laugh. In the end we decided that I'd keep the card as long as I was still here, for it might be useful. I didn't have an inkling what for, but then again, Avalon was the prankster of the two of us.

 

Later on, when I was walking down a hallway, I heard someone call after me. “Hey, Alizé!”

“Oh, hey Piper”, I greeted the girl approaching me.

She smiled. “So... We made it through another elimination!”

“Yes! I'm sad about Avalon though”, I said.

“Yeah, it's a bummer to see other girls leave”, she agreed. “I only had one real conversation with Avalon but I know you two were close friends.”

“She was my closest friend here, and we'll definitely stay in touch. I really hope that will work with the rest of us, too”, I explained.

“Well...” She laughed. “That's kind of the reason why I'm talking with you right now. I realized there's still a lot of girls I haven't talked with one on one and I thought it was a good time to change that.”

I smiled. “I know! It's so strange that we lived here together for quite an amount of time but actually never talked.”

“So... What do you usually do around the palace?”, she wanted to know.

“I spend quite a lot of time with my maid Debbie or with Avalon, and then I tried using the palace library to find more information on the history project I'm doing. What about you?”, I asked back.

“Oh, I've heard about that history project of yours and I think it sounds very interesting”, she replied. “As for what I do here... I also spend my time in my room with my maids, Sydney and Kady.” She smiled. “They can come up with some very interesting conversations. Sometimes my brother joins us on his free time and Adam, who is also a guard here, tags along, but not as often.”

“It's so nice that your brother is here!”, I exclaimed.

“Yeah, I hadn't seen him in so long, being able to see him almost every day again feels amazing”, she said.

“I can imagine!” As an afterthought, I added, “my cousin might coming to visit the palace next week, I'm so excited for it!” I laughed.

“Really? How is he coming to the palace?”, she asked.

I grinned. “You might have heard he's engaged to the French princess, and they're both coming.”

Her eyes widened. “Wait, that's the cousin who is visiting? And the princess, too? Incroyable”, she said with a laugh. “I heard you had some ties to the princess's fiance, but I wasn't aware he was your cousin. I can't believe they're coming, we're going to meet the princess!”

“I can't believe it either!” I laughed. “I'm so excited to see him again, but also so curious about her. And it'll be terrifying to see her, knowing one of us will have to be a princess too!”

Piper ran a hand through her hair. “Oh god, you're right”, she said nervously. “I make the worst first impressions. I always manage to make myself look weirder than I am.”

I laughed. “If she puts up with Antoine, and he with her, then she can't be too judgmental about that.”

“Well, that's slightly reassuring”, she said with a laugh.

The conversation turned back to our families, and I learned that her brother and her maid were probably falling for each other... it was a hilarious story. We went to lunch together a few minutes later, and I was happy to be talking to Piper.

 

After lunch, I finally found Ashton in the gardens, and I started to walk towards him.

“How has your day been going so far?”, I asked once I had caught up to him.

He smiled at the sight of me. “Not too bad, and better now that you're here”, he said.

I felt my smile fall. “I've been wondering if that was the case”, I started hesitantly. “I mean, I feel like I don't fit in. The people hate me, they voted I was the meanest Selected because Gracebella once said so, I haven't ever actually talked to your family, these reporters are starting to annoy me and I'm just... I don't know.

“They're not me”, he said simply, which calmed me a little.

“I know”, I replied. “But they're still important, though I sometimes wish they weren't.”

“My family is happy to talk whenever you are, the people's opinions can change overnight, you're allowed to tell the reporters to go away. Nothing is unsolvable”, he said, reassuring me.

Hearing him talk like this made me wonder where I had lost all my confidence.

“Thank you.”

“Of course”, he said, “I'm here if you need me, you know that.”

I stared at him. “Yes, I know that”, I admitted. It was true. I could say whatever I wanted about him, but not that he didn't care for me when anything happened.

“Can I ask you something?”, I asked, wondering if it was incredibly stupid to say what I was about to say.

He inclined his head. “Go ahead.”

I sighed. “What do you think about love?”

“What do you mean?”, he asked back, looking confused.

I hesitated. “Is it just a feeling? How do you think one knows about it?”

“Ah, just some light conversation”, he said a little ironically.

Now it was my turn to be confused. “What do you mean?”

He glanced at me. “Not the simplest of topics is it? And it's not a question I have an answer to.”

“No, it's not”, I admitted. “But something I've been thinking about.”

“It's... I don't know”, he said. “I didn't even think love existed for a while.”

“But now you do?”

He shrugged. “Maybe.”

“I believed in it once”, I said with a nod, “and entered the Selection not believing in it, and now I don't know anymore.”

He smiled shyly, something I never thought he was capable of. “Maybe we can figure it out together”, he said. _My heart must be melting_ , I thought. It was more than I could allow myself to hope for, and yet I did.

“We can try”, I replied with a smile, and he bent down to kiss my cheek.

Noticing our height difference, I grinned suddenly, remembering our first kiss. I seemed like so long ago. “Did you know a reporter asked me if I liked you because you were tall?”, I asked him.

He grinned. “And obviously, you replied with 'no, it's his stunning personality and staggering good looks.”

“Obviously”, I replied sarcastically. “It's true though, if I dare to say that even though it endlessly blows up your ego”, I added.

“It does”, he said, his grin widening.

I rolled my eyes, mocking him. “What have I _done_?”

He seemed to consider that. “Made once prince very very happy”, he said.

I couldn't help but smile. “Maybe I could get used to that.”

He grinned and bent down to kiss me, so I put my arms around his neck. His kisses were sweet and full of something that hadn't been there before, or maybe that was just my blurry mind.

“I've been kind of missing you”, I whispered against his lips as we broke apart.

“Oh really?”, he asked, voice hoarse.

I smiled. “Pathetic, I know, since I've been seeing you around. But I missed talking to you.”

“Me too”, he admitted.

I played with the fabric of my dress. “But I'm not the only one, right?” I knew I was ruining the mood, but this competition was looming over our heads, and it never fully left my mind. Except...

Ashton was kissing me again, and I stood on my tiptoes to pull him closer.

“Unfair”, I murmured between kisses, because he was avoiding my question, again.

He pulled back a little. “Did that answer your question?”

“Only if I interpret things”, I replied, looking up at him.

“Then interpret them.”

As if I hadn't already, as if he hadn't already built my hopes up as high as a tower. “I couldn't help doing it either way”, I admitted.

I tangled my hands in his hair at the back of his neck as our lips were touching again. This time the kiss became deeper. We were losing ourselves in each other.

“You think too much”, he said, a little out of breath.

He was probably right. Only listening to my feelings was too dangerous, and even more here. “But with you, it feels like I've completely lost my mind”, I replied truthfully. It was scary.

“Good thing?”

I smiled. “Scary, but yes.”

“Good”, he replied.

I took his hand, allowing him to play with my fingers, sending thrills through my body at the touch.

“I never thought something like this could happen here”, I admitted.

He intertwined our fingers.“Like what?”

“Like you and me.”

“And what's that?”, he asked.

_Good question._ “I don't know, but I know I don't want to lose it”, I said steadily. It was time to stop being scared.

He thought for a while. “I can't promise you anything yet. But I want you here.”

“I know you can't”, I said. But I had heard the tiny yet at the end of his sentence, and it only added to my tower of hopes. _The higher the tower, the harder the fall._

Ashton brushed my cheek with his thumb, making me forget where I could fall. I stood on my tiptoes to kiss him, softly this time.

“Do you want to be queen?”, he asked.

I looked at him. It was clear how important this question was. If I took this step forward, I would fall.

“Yes.”

“Do you... want to be with me?”

I was already falling. But it only felt like flying.

“I...” I only hesitated for a second. “Yes.”

“Okay”, he said simply, kissing me again.

“Do you think... Do you want to be with me, too?”, I asked. “Don't make a promise, just...”

“Right now? Yes.”

I sighed. “And that's enough for me, right now.”

I kissed him again, but too soon we both had to head inside again.

It was strange what had just happened. Like I had told him, it felt like I had lost my mind, but I was happy. Maybe it was Holly and Avalon's fault, for all we had talked about was this madness, and our insecurity. I needed some security, and even if it was just hope that kept it up, I liked the illusion. There was nothing that could have brought my mood down right now, I was flying on clouds of hope and happiness.

 

The only thing I wanted after dinner was a warm shower and my bed, my mind still on Ashton and my decisions. Had I really told him all that? Was it _real_? I knew it was, and the thought of it made me happier than it should have.

But when I opened the door to my room, the first thing I noticed was the smell. It smelled like someone had emptied at least a hundred bottles of tequila right onto my bed. When I glanced over to it, I noticed that didn't seem to far away from reality: It was completely soaked and covered in more than 50 glasses that had been taken out of one of the unnecessary cupboards in my room. Next to the bed stood an empty cart.

An instant later, I heard someone giggle in the bathroom. Suspecting nothing good, I opened the door. It revealed Cillia and Gracebella, seemingly pretty drunk, who where changing the labels of my things as well as flipping several things upside down. Gracebella was currently smearing lipstick onto the mirror.

Despite what they were doing, I broke out laughing. “Wow, what a nice surprise”, I called sarcastically, leaning in the doorway.

Cillia was first to notice me. She turned around. “Oh! You weren't supposed to be here. Then again this is your room so technically you're the only one who is supposed to be here”, she babbled with a nervous laugh.

Amused, I shook my head. I knew I should have been angry, but somehow I didn't even care. “What about I get you two a glass of water?”, I suggested.

She seemed to get me wrong. “Well I don't think we did anything to the glasses”, she started again, “but you might have to look for them in your desk drawers. We did a little rearranging, as you can see.”

I laughed. “I see.” I knew I had to get some help at least. Although I felt uncomfortable about leaving them alone, I went into the hallway. For goodness's sake, Debbie was already walking towards me.

I had tried to warn her about the state my room would be in, she shrieked when we entered. “What, in the name of lord, happened here?”

I laughed as Cillia came out of the bathroom at the new voice.

“You have a visitor?”, she called excitedly. “And presumably this one was actually invited!”

I grinned. “That's Debbie, she's my maid.” I gestured towards Debbie, who was still looking shocked.

Cillia waved. “Hi Debbie!”

Debbie held her hands up in distress. “What are we going to do about this? You can't _sleep_!”

I grimaced, looking at my bed. “We'll figure that out later”, I suggested, but Debbie already started to clean the glasses off the bed.

“Cillia, do you want something to drink?”, I asked the other girl.

“I'm actually okay”, she insisted. “Gracey on the other hand...” I heard another noise coming from my bathroom. “We should probably give her some water”, Cillia suggested.

Nodding, I walked over to the bathroom. “Hey, Gracebella.”

She dropped the lipstick she was holding. “Oh, this was not supposed to happen”, she said to Cillia, looking somewhat dejected.

The other girl laughed. “No Gracey, it definitely wasn't.”

I walked over to her and pulled her into a hug. “It's no problem, don't worry now”, I assured her. “Let's sit down a little.” With that, I led her to the small table in my bedroom and sat her down on a chair.

Cillia had collected an empty tequila bottle from the bathroom that was labeled as 'fragranced soap'. “This was mostly full earlier, and is now completely empty, thanks to Gracey it seems”, she explained.

I nodded and turned to Debbie. “I'm sorry you were dragged into this, but can you check if anyone is in the hallway?”

To Cillia, I added, “we should get her to her own room, since she shouldn't sleep in a soaked bed.”

“We probably should”, she agreed. “I actually hadn't noticed how drunk she'd gotten. Although it's possible it isn't as bad as it seems, knowing her.” She moved over to help with Gracebella.

When Debbie came back to tell us that the cost was clear, we stood Gracebella up and supporting her, we walked across the hallway to her room, swaying a little. We deposited her on the bed.

“I'm just going to write her a quick note”, Cillia explained. “I think there's glasses in the bathroom, could you fill one with water to leave on her table?”

“Of course.” I quickly skipped over to the bathroom.

“Do you think you can take care of her for now?”, I asked Cillia when I came back. “I need to get back and help Debbie.”

“Yeah, I should be fine. And sorry for all of that.” She gestured vaguely towards my room. “I've got this whole crazy whirlwind final night thing going on at the moment, so everything is a bit... weird right now. But sorry about all that...”

I smiled. “It'll be fine. And I'm sorry that you have to leave.” I hadn't talked to Cillia a lot, but still it was always sad to see the others go.

“Honestly, even though it's hard, I've kind of been expecting it, so I don't actually mind all that much”, she explained. “That said, I'll miss everyone here a lot, even those I didn't get to know all that well.”

“I kind of hope we can somehow all stay in touch”, I said.

“I hope so too”, she agreed. “And if you want a tip, make sure you're outside around midday tomorrow, if I've gotta go, I'm going out with a bang.”

“I'll be there”, I promised with a smile.

 

Back in my room, I helped Debbie to clean up the mess they had made. It turned out to be not too bed, except for the bathroom, and my bed. It was completely soaked in alcohol.

“There is no way you'll sleep here, with that smell”, Debbie stated when we had pulled all the covers off and washed the mattress.

“I'm just going to sleep the last night at Avalon's”, I suggested, and she nodded.

“If she's asleep, you always have another option”, she added with a wink.

Understanding, I grinned. “Last resort.”

 

But it turned out we had actually needed almost three hours to clean the room, so that it was after midnight. When I knocked at Avalon's door silently, no one answered. She was already asleep.

It was as Debbie had said – I did have another option. Actually, I probably had a lot of options, but there was one I preferred. I turned on my heel and walked towards the staircase going up to the third floor.

 


	15. A Delegation from France

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks @kilewoodwork on tumblr for the rp! I'll warn you, this chapter is a mess and pretty bad but oh well.

Antoine had called ahead, and Ashton had confirmed it a few days ago: The French royal family was visiting today, including crone princess Sandrine and my favorite cousin.

I had been giddy with excitement for the last days, and now, the morning of their arrival, I was standing in front of the palace for the official greeting with the other Selected. By now they all knew that Antoine was my cousin, and I was glad there was no room for surprises this time.

They arrived in a couple of limousines from the airport, with Antoine and Sandrine in the second-last one. The two of them had to make their round with the King and Queen, Ashton and Cody first, but I had already caught Antoine's eye.

When he reached us, we embraced each other in a bone-crushing hug.

“Fierce as ever, lizard”, he said with a grin as we broke away.

“Of course”, I replied. “I cured my wounds.”

A shadow crossed his eyes at the mention of my emotional disaster when we last said goodbye. I had been in a state of complete despair because I had just turned down Christian – my French on-off boyfriend and Antoine's best friend. He had asked me if we wanted to make it official, a real relationship. And I? I had been scared. Scared of the distance, scared of everything. It had left both of us destroyed and Christian and I still weren't on speaking terms today.

“You have a lot to tell me”, Antoine said now, smile back in place.

“You, too”, I countered with a meaningful glance at Sandrine, who was catching up to us after talking to Ashton.

She smiled brightly and pulled me into a quick hug. “Antoine has been talking so much about you and Lia”, she greeted me. “You definitely have to go to dinner in Angeles with us tomorrow.”

“And bring your trashy half-boyfriend”, Antoine added quietly, so that Winter next to me didn't hear him.

I grinned at him. “Stop it.”

“Never”, he replied, and Sandrine giggled, before they moved on the queue.

 

I turned around a corner, lost in thought, only to smack front-first into someone I hadn't seen coming. Out of a kind of habit, I half-expected and half-hoped to see Ashton standing in front of me. But when I looked up, I met hazel eyes instead of blue. Equally familiar, but a thousand times less welcome.

I was looking straight into the eyes of Christian Marcourt.

Reflexively, I took a step back.

“Can you watch where you're going?”, we simultaneously asked in French, glaring angrily.

“You run around these halls like you own the place”, he added, clearly fuming.

“Opposite to you, I have a right to”, I countered despite my shock. “What the _hell_ are you doing here?”

The look in his eyes was still burning anger, but his voice was as cold as ice. “I happen to be working in the ministry for communication and integration”, he snapped. “Not everything is about you, Alizé.”

His words, my own mantra, were a stab right into my chest.

“But I have a feeling this is”, I retorted anyway, my icy tone matching his. “I don't think you're that important to the ministry.”

“Alizé”, he said, his anger flaring up again, “I told you, I'm not here for you, I will never be. I don't want to talk to you ever again, and you know it.”

“Yeah, I didn't ask for a meeting either”, I countered, voice still cold.

“It's not like you care”, he spat suddenly. “Tell me again, how many guys have you fucked since last year's August?”

Furiously, I glared at him. “How _dare_ you say I don't care”, I spat back. “How _dare_ you just appear like this?”

His eyes were now matching the icy voice. It was hard to remember seeing the warmth in them.

“I can appear how I want, wherever I want. Deal with it, Alizé. And haven't you found a nice little replacement?”, he asked, cruelly mocking me.

“Ashton is not a replacement for anything”, I snapped.

“And still you're too much of a coward to settle down and tell him what you feel, right? Sounds like repeating history to me. But maybe you actually think this time before you overreact”, he said coldly.

I opened my mouth to replay, but he was already turning away.

“I hate you, Christian Marcourt”, I yelled after him.

“And you're the one who always wants to hear the truth?”, he asked back, dangerously calm.

Then he was gone.

I slid down the wall so that I sat on the floor, burying my face in my hands. It was a disaster, a disaster meant to forget. There wasn't anything between us anymore except for the bitterness and the anger, and I was so sick of it.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw someone coming down the corridor. For a precious second, I prayed it was a maid, or even Gracebella, just someone who'd leave me alone.

I didn't have such luck.

“Liz?”, asked Ashton.

Pulling myself together, I looked up into his blue eyes. “Yeah?”

He looked troubled. “You okay?”

I gestured into the direction where Christian had disappeared. “I don't know what you heard, but I guess I will be.” Oh god, what had he heard?

“Who was that?”, he asked.

“Well...” _Get over with it, Liz._ “Christian was kind of my on-off boyfriend because we only met in summers you know, in France. He's Antoine's best mate. At the end of last summer he told me he loved me, and that he wanted a real relationship. Long story short, I was scared of the distance and I didn't think love was real because I never really loved him, so I turned him down and we've never been on speaking terms again. Apparently he belongs to the French delegation.” I couldn't help a scowl.

Ashton coughed awkwardly. “Oh”, he said simply.

I tried a smile. “I know.”

“Do you, uh... do you want me to stay away, or...?”

_Never, you idiot._ I wiped my cheeks and finally got up from the floor. “No, it's fine”, I assured him.

“I... Why didn't you love him?”, he asked. “Why'd you say no?”

I sighed. “Maybe I did, I like to say I didn't. I don't know if that makes me a horrible person. I thought, if love was so cruel it brought two people together who could only see each other once a year, it couldn't be a good thing. I just... I couldn't do it. I couldn't tell him I loved him and say yes and then leave. Makes me a coward, right?”

“Maybe it makes you smart”, he said with a shrug.

“Still”, I insisted. “It completely ruined me, and I was fine not thinking about him. It was... shocking to just run into him here, of all places.”

“I'm sorry.”

I looked up. “None of it is your fault.”

“I'm just...” He searched for the words. “I'm sorry you have to deal with it I guess.”

“I don't, do I?”, I asked. “I've been hiding from it all year, and even now, none of us is able to deal with it properly.”

He hesitated. “I mean... not if you don't want to.”

“I should.”

“Maybe”, he agreed. I had learned a long time ago that _maybe_ didn't always mean _maybe_ with him.

“Anyway, thank you for listening”, I said with a smile.

“That's what I'm here for”, he said seriously. “Also the kissing and my job but...”, he joked.

I couldn't fight a grin. “You're impossible.”

He grinned as well. “Horribly so.”

“By the way”, I began again, “Antoine asked me to come to dinner in Angeles with him and Sandrine this evening, do you want to tag along? I don't want to be a third wheel and I also don't want to make her a third wheel when we talk about aunt Magarie's cats.”

“I, uh...” He hesitated. “Sure.”

I raised an eyebrow. “You don't have to.”

“No, I will.”

“Really, if you have other things planned or if you just don't want to, it's fine”, I insisted.

“Liz, I want to go”, he replied.

“Okay.”

“See you tonight?”

“Sure”, I said, smiling.

With a last kiss on my cheek, he was gone.

 

After tea in the great hall, I was cornered in the hallway by my cousin. By the look on his face, Antoine was furious with me.

“Liz, I swear, if you aren't going to sort things out with Christian...”, he started in rapid French.

I wanted to say something, but he cut me off.

“I don't want you to ripping each other apart at my wedding, because that's when you'll see each other again! I can live with my two best friends ignoring each other forever, but not with them shooting daggers every time they get within two miles distance”, he said sternly.

I couldn't help but feel guilty. I hadn't thought of Antoine when yelling at Christian. This whole thing was a catastrophe.

“All right, but I...”

But another glance from my cousin silenced me. “No. We're going to his room now, and if you two continue to act like children, or death enemies, or both, then I'm throwing both of you out of the window.”

If he had been saying it in a different tone, I would have been laughing. But his voice allowed no argument, so I had no other choice but to follow him. A few corners later, Antoine opened up one of the guest room doors, shoving me inside.

As he crossed his arms after kicking the door shut, my gaze flicked to the other person in the room.

Which was a mistake. The look Christian was giving me wasn't unlike the death glares I had received from Gracebella earlier on, and it was worse because I cared.

I looked down, knowing it was pointless. All in all, holding onto this hateful argument out of spite was pointless.

“Right”, I began after an eternity of silence, not quite knowing what I was going to say. “Christian, I'm sorry.” I didn't dare to look up at him, but I thought I could feel his disbelieving stare. I knew he wasn't going to forgive me.

“Not really for rejecting you, I still don't believe that would have worked”, I explained, peeking up now to see him wince a little. “But I'm sorry for what I said to you.”

I could feel the tension between us in every inch of the thick air as I waited for him to answer.

He sighed. “I guess I should be sorry too, for earlier on. But that doesn't mean... You know what, let's just...”

Relief seemed to flood my body. It wasn't out of the world, but maybe I could sleep now without forcibly banning him from my thoughts. Maybe this was temporary, but maybe it was a step.

Hesitantly, I took the hand Christian had stretched out towards me, and shook it.

Antoine looked as if he had just won the lottery. “So now we can commit ourselves to the other important missions”, he said happily. “Like meetings and match-making Liz with a certain prince.”

Where Christian took the smile from at that, I didn't know, but I was grateful for the change of topic too.

“I don't need your match-making”, I protested at the sight of Antoine's mischievous grin.

He held up both hands in mock surrender. “Whatever you say, lizard. But you can still invite him along when we're going out for dinner tomorrow with Sandrine.”

To Christian, he added in a loud whisper, “she's in love. And with a liar, on top of it.”

And I couldn't help but laugh with the two of them.

 


	16. Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, here we go with challenge 5! Thanks to @kilewoodwork and @prince-consort-kile on tumblr.

The palace had been a lot fuller then usual lately, with the delegations from Great Britain and France visiting Angeles. The two foreign princesses also seemed to get along well, and everything was harmonic, if one could say that. Maybe I was just feeling too elated because of Antoine, the fact that the Christian issue was as good as out of the world, and admittedly, Ashton.

I had been thinking a lot about our latest conversations. I had told him about Christian. Did it matter to him? Was it important? But what was more important was what had happened before, I was sure of it. I had no idea what had changed, but I knew there was something new ever since our conversation in the garden. It was what I had undefinably felt for a long time now, this warmth inside me whenever I saw him, and this feeling of missing him whenever he wasn't there. That day, I had as good as admitted everything to him. I had thrown myself off the cliff, now I was falling, or flying, that depended on him. Was this love? Was it love that I spend my days thinking of him, of the way he was holding my hand, of the little breath he drew in before a kiss, of the way he chuckled, of the way he had said “it might be a little hard to concentrate now” after our first kiss.

 

In general, I spent a lot of hours of my days with my cousin. Because we already had these guests, I was surprised when Ashton announced what would happen this week: Our families were going to visit us.

I practically jumped out of happiness. I was going to see Lia, and my parents! If my life hadn't been perfect before, then it was now. What kind of luck was it that both Antoine and Lia came to the palace in the same week?

But before I could greet my family in the palace, I had to go through another three days. On the first one, both Yanely and Winter approached me, just to talk. I had never disliked them, and I gladly took the opportunity to get to know them better. How disappointed would I be if I had spent a few months with these girls, but never actually gotten along with them?

On the second day, I was cornered in the Women's Room by Gracebella.

“Hey, can we talk?”, she asked, surprising me. Cillia had as good as confirmed that she still didn't like me, as much as I thought we just didn't click.

Thinking back to our last encounter, I looked up curiously. “Sure, what's the matter?

“I'd like to apologize to you for what happened with Cillia the other night. I have no idea what came over me”, she explained.

“Maybe it was the tequila”, I joked with a smile. “But really, it's fine. The mess is all gone now, and to be honest it was all a little funny to me that night.” It was true. A few weeks ago, I would have exploded. But now... I hadn't even told anyone it had been her who was responsible.

“Still”, she insisted. “Even if it was funny it wasn't the best thing to do, and I hadn't drunken much of the tequila when I came up with the plan. Granted I was already pretty drunk before the tequila. Normally I can control myself much better though, I'm so sorry for what happened, and if there's ever any way I can make it up to you I'd love to help.”

I smiled. “I appreciate that, but really, it's okay. You made a mistake, that's all, and there was no harm done. Let's just close that book of everything wrong we did to each other”, I suggested.

She seemed reliefed. “Sure! That seems like a great idea! I'm quitting drinking anyways. Sooooo Ashton recommended we speak to each other and apologizing was all i could think of to talk about.....so, how's that being able to speak French, relatable right? “

Of course. Of course she was only doing this for Ashton. I was a little disappointed that she didn't come for herself, but then again, she probably didn't think I deserved it. Maybe I didn't.

“It's amazing to be speaking to my cousin. And so interesting to meet his fiancée”, I replied, referring to our visitors from France.

“Oh yeah, you had mentioned they were coming by”, she said. Surprising me, she continued. “I didn't mean to eavesdrop earlier, your room is just very close to mine so I happened to hear. but I heard your talking to someone named Christian? Is he a relative of yours, I didn't focus too much on what you were saying and went the other way.”

My heart missed a beat. I resisted the urge to clench my fists, not knowing how much she had heard. But it was no one's business, really.

“He's not a relative, no. But he's Antoine's best mate”, I said with a sigh. “We had a kind of on-off relationship until last year.” No need for the long version here.

“I'm sorry to hear that it ended then”, she replied, not sounding too sorry. “Unless you aren't in which case good for you. I'm sorry for prying though. I'm pretty closed off on my family so if you don't want to talk about anything I understand.”

I smiled. “Don't worry, I'm over it.” _It's just Ashton now._ “And yeah, the details aren't really worth mentioning.”

We continued to talk, mostly about the upcoming family week, for a while, and ended up baking cupcakes together, for some 'magical bonding time' as she had called it. At least we were spending some time together without an insult crossing our lips.

 

I knew I had been missing my family, but the full realization only came when their visit was announced. How long hadn't I seen Lia? Longer than ever before, that was for sure. I knew that was something that was going to become normal as we grew older, since we were going to study or work in different cities, have families on our own... And after all, there was a chance that I would stay here. But none of these things was enough to tear us apart.

They were to arrive on Monday, and when we were called into the Great Hall that day, I was buzzing with excitement. At the doors, I quickly spotted Lia's dark hair, running towards her. Blowing all the formalities to hell, we embraced each other in a bone-crushing hug.

Grinning, we pulled back. “I'm so glad to see you!”, she called out. “So glad you're happy.”

“I've been missing you, too”, I laughed. “Finally!”

Oh, how I had been missing to see her smile.

Behind her came my mother and father, brought smiles on their faces.

“I was scared we'd never get to see you again in person”, my Dad joked.

I smiled and hugged both of them as well. “I'm still alive, as you can see.”

My Mom gave me a worried look. “And you're doing fine, here? After all what the papers say, I'd think you'd at least have some trouble.”

“Oh, I know they say my plan is to destroy Illéa and hand it over to France”, I said, raising my eyebrows. “But it's pretty clear to everyone here that it's utter trash.” I seriously had no idea how there were people out there who believed in what the reporters wrote. There were some things that were just too extreme to be real.

“Is it?”, Lia threw in, smirking.

I rolled my eyes at her.

“I'm pretty sure it is”, my Dad said, flicking Lia a glance, but my sister only laughed.

“So what about that prince?”, asked my Mom.

Lia started coughing awkwardly, and stopped abruptly when both our parents shot her a dark look. “Oh, nothing”, she said with the most innocent smile she could master.

I snorted. “The name of 'that prince' is Ashton, by the way”, I replied indignantly. Call him by the name at least, would you?

“You're uneffectively trying to evade the question”, my Dad stated, but he was still smiling.

“It wasn't really a question, 'what about him'”, I argued jokingly.

My parents sighed in unison, which caused Lia and me to break into laughter again.

My Mom seemed to give it up. “I'm guessing this is not the right place to discuss it”, she said diplomatically, casting a glance around the room full of reunited families.

“No, it's totally okay here”, Lia insisted, sticking out her tongue at me.

I mimicked her, then turned back to my parents. “I know we need to talk about... things, but do you want to go around and meet the other Selected and their families as well?”

To my relief, my Dad nodded. I had to admit to myself that I hadn't thought about what I was going to tell them about Ashton. And if they should meet him first, of if I should talk to them first.

Nearby, Winter was talking to her family. She had told me before that she had five older siblings, and they seemed like a pretty lively group. Seemingly, Lia had already been talking to one of them before we had arrived in the hall, because she went to talk to one of the girls, her name was Caroline, immediately. They seemed to click pretty well. My parents were eagerly talking to Winter's parents. Her family reminded of all my cousins coming together at my grandma's in summer.

We continued around the hall, the families beginning to mix and get to know each other. I briefly spoke to Holly's younger sister Paisley, a really cute 13-year-old girl, and Piper's brother Eli, who was only one year older. It was one of the most interesting things to get to know all these families.

Lia started wandering around, chatting up the other Selected. I had no idea what she was asking them, but she seemed to be amusing herself. She only left out Gracebella, who probably didn't fail to notice that. My sister was the queen of holding grudges, even if they weren't her own ones.

 

“What about Antoine?”, asked Lia when the four of us were walking down the hallway towards my room. “I really want to meet him and Sandrine.”

My Dad smiled. “First, I'd like to see Ashton, if I'm honest.”

I exchanged a glance with my sister. “We're actually so lucky that they're visiting the same time that you're here!”, I replied to her. “They're in the city this evening, but tomorrow they'll be at the ball, and then we'll see.”

Her smile brightened. “All the three of us together again, finally.”

I turned to my Dad. “I'm pretty sure he'll want to talk to all the parents, too. And you'll see him at dinner.”

My Mom nodded as I opened the door to my room. She inhaled sharply as she walked in, but to my surprise, she didn't comment on the luxury. Maybe it was what she had expected from the palace. What she said was, “Liz, how on earth do you keep it this tidy?”

I laughed along with Lia, and our parents joined in after a while. “Sorry to disappoint you Mom, I didn't become a tidy person over night”, I explained a little sheepishly. “We all have a maid.”

“Do you get along well with her?”, asked my Mom.

I smiled, thinking of Debbie. “She's an angel. I spend a lot of time with her, and she's become one of my best friends around here. I'm a little sorry that I'm posing so much work onto her.”

My Dad burst out laughing at that. “Does that mean your room will get even tidier if you come home after this luxury?”

Lia raised an eyebrow. “If?”

I shot her a glance, but it was too late.

“True, what about that now?”, asked my Mom. “Do you... Liz, do you _want_ to come home?” Sometimes I hated her directness. It left no room for the doubts I still had. Of course I didn't want to _stay away_ from home. But that didn't mean I wanted to leave Ashton.

“That's an unfair way to put it”, Lia interrupted, knowing my struggle.

Mom sighed. “I guess so. Liz, do you want to stay here, with Ashton?”

I looked down. “It's not that easy, but... yes.”

I sat down on the edge of my bed, and my Mom followed suit. Lia and Dad were sitting on my chairs.

“I know it might seem impossible, since I didn't really mean to participate” - I exchanged a glance with Lia - “but I want to stay. I've been feeling insecure about the whole situation for a long time, but now I think I know that I want this.”

“I think that the job, being queen, is actually something you can do”, my Dad said warmly. “You're caring, and you've got enough spine to deal with it all. But... With the job comes a man.”

I nodded. “You don't know Ashton. He's... On TV, he might seem pretty much like such a princeling, but in reality, he's a lot more. I know that he cares about Illéa, and all the people, no matter their caste. I feel so... I feel good when I'm around him. I might not know what love is, but...” It was true. I had told Ashton this, and I still didn't know what love was. But I knew that I didn't want to let go of anything I had found here.

My Mom put one arm around my shoulders. “It's okay, Liz. If you're sure you want this, we're with you. If you love him, and he loves you, then you should marry him.”

I blinked a few times. “Mom, I'm nowhere near being sure he loves me. There's six other girls, and they're all still here for a reason. What I feel might not even be important in the end.” I knew I sounded a little bitter, but I couldn't help it.

“What you feel is always important, Liz”, Mom replied. “If not to him, then to us.”

Lia looked up. “And after all, none of the other girls is Liz, right?”

I smiled back at her. “Thank you.”

“We'll always be here”, my Dad promised earnestly, and the other two nodded. I couldn't describe how strong their support made me feel.

 

The next day, we were going to have a ball including all the families and the Selected as well as the other guests. I was a little surprised to see Cillia in the middle of the crowd, dancing with someone I recognised as Winter's brother.

About an hour after we had started dancing, the doors opened again, revealing Antoine and Sandrine. I had gotten so used to their presence that I only greeted Antoine with a wave of my hand, but Lia was too happy to see him to remain where we were. She got up and ran straight towards them, through the dancers, hugging Antoine fiercely and Sandrine shortly. The princess flicked a nervous glance at all the parents, who were mostly chuckling about my sister. I could see some shaking their heads in disapproval though, causing me to clench my fists. We got to see each other only once a year, so surely one could overlook formalities this one time?

Lia was talking intently to our cousin, who laughed. She came back wearing a bright smile.

“They're coming to your room when this is over, Liz”, she announced, sitting down.

I smiled. “Great! But this is no where near being over.”

I had always loved dancing, which was why I had been looking forward to the ball with excitement. It was still all pretty formal, but everyone was enjoing themselves. My parents were dancing, and Antoine and Sandrine were twirling across the dance floor. Lia was talking to a guard next to me. A few minutes later she had pulled him into the dancing crowd, laughing.

Across the room, I spotted Ashton, who was looking into my direction. I smiled at him through the crowd. The only reply I got was a wink, so I started walking towards him. He was smiling, and it was that smile that endlessly lightened my mood in that moment. The room had gotten so much brighter. Goodness, I sounded like I was drunk.

“Milady, care to dance?”, Ashton asked when I was standing in front of him.

The butterflies were dancing inside my stomach, too. What had gotten into me? “It'd be a pleasure, your highness”, I replied, smiling.

As I took the hand he offered to me, he pulled me close and let his hand rest on my lower back, spreading warmth through all my body. In these lights, swaying with the music, I could forget all the issues we went through, and what still laid before us. Maybe it could be more than just a few weeks. As we danced, I noticed he was a little insecure, as if he lacked the usual confidence. I smiled at the thought. The one thing he lacked confidence in was dancing? But we clicked perfectly, swaying together, and I didn't care if we were dancing closer than was considered formal, and I found myself wishing this would last.

When I had told him I wanted to be with him, it had felt like falling. Now it felt like I was flying, and in this moment, I realized what I had been questioning for the past weeks. _This must be love. Because I can't imagine anything that could make me feel better than this. Because I can't imagine letting him go._

I smiled as we twirled around in silence, feeling safe in this moment, in his arms. I didn't speak, I didn't talk. What I felt was enough, for once.

“What's wrong?”, Ashton asked after a while, pulling me out of my daydream that was miraculously real. Had he noticed my change of heart, too?

I looked up at him, surprised at his worried tone. “Nothing at all.” The feeling, _love_ , was still there, buried inside me. Eventually, I would need to tell him. But not now.

“Why so quiet?”, he asked.

_Because my thoughts are loud enough._ “Silence can mean something too, right?”, I asked back.

“And what does it mean in this case?” Of course he wasn't going to let it go.

“It means I don't have anything on my mind that's important enough to ruin the mood.” I cringed internally at the lie. It was more than important enough.

He wasn't convinced. “But there is something?”

I opened my mouth. Maybe I would have told him there and then that I loved him, that I loved him with all my heart and I loved the way we worked together and that I wanted it to last, that I didn't want to let go.

Suddenly someone stamped on my foot. I whipped my head around, breaking eye contact, but the other dancer was already gone. And the moment was gone. “I can't tell you yet”, I said to Ashton.

“Liz, come one”, he insisted.

“Ashton...” I trailed off. “I need to figure it out myself first.” Wrong again. It was the clearest thought I had been grasping in days, it seemed. And still, this wasn't the right place, nor was it the right time.

“Okay okay” he said, pulling me closer as we danced. “Sorry I'm not very good at this. Dancing's not my strong suit.”

Oh, but didn't he notice it didn't even matter? He didn't have to be perfect. “Don't worry”, I told him, “you're not too bad.”

He chuckled at that. “Be thankful I haven't stepped on your toes yet”, he said, which was cute. _Wait_. Had I just called him cute? I was in way too deep already. Stupid Butterflies.

“I'll survive if you do”, I replied with a smile.

“I sure hope so.”

We danced together for a while, and I was positive it was the best dance I had ever had, even if he wasn't the best dancer.

“See, together we're good at it”, I stated.

“We're good at a lot of things”, he countered.

I cocked my head slightly to the side. “Like?” As if I didn't know the answers.

“Talking, joking, being serious”, he enumerated. “And don't forget the kissing.”

That brought a smile to my lips. “How could I ever?”

“We're veeery good at that”, he repeated, causing me to chuckle.

“We are.”

So quickly that I didn't see it coming, he bent down and kissed my cheek, making me blush.

Amused, I asked, “Hoping no one saw this?”

“I'm technically not supposed to be 'overly affectionate' tonight”, he explained. What an annoying rule.

I raised an eyebrow. “'Overly affectionate' is a matter of interpretation.”

“Well according to the palace publicists, I'm not even supposed to dance with any of you longer than one song.” He didn't seem too fond of these publicists. “I'm planning on breaking that rule”, he added as an afterthought.

“Well...” I grinned. “Technically this is an instrumental piece and can't be called a song” - I sighed dramatically - “so you'll be stuck with me until someone starts singing.”

“Then we're out of luck, all we've got tonight are the strings”, he said, not a hint of disappointment in his voice.

As much as I wanted to keep dancing with him until the end of the night, I knew I couldn't. “Now you're free to choose whoever you want to dance with”, I therefor said. “Poor publicists.”

“You've got me for as long as you want”, he promised, causing me to smile.

“Oh, but that's impossible.”

“And why is that?”

Wasn't it obvious? “Because I'd dance with you all evening.”

He looked at me. “Why would that be a problem?”

“It wouldn't be to me”, I sighed.

Ashton cast a glance around the room. “Come here.”

“I'm right here”, I replied with a sarcastic grin, and he rollled his eyes.

“Not what I meant.” He let go of my waist, but kept holding my hand and started walking towards the door of the ballroom. Checking if anyone noticed, I followed with a chuckle. _This boy._

He sneaked us into an empty, dimly lit hallway.

“People are going to miss you”, I remarked, suddenly not knowing what to say.

“Who cares?”

I squeezed his hand I was still holding. “Not me.”

His expression had turned serious. “Look, Liz...”, he began. “I... How do you feel about me?”

My heart dropped. Hadn't I just told him I needed to figure it out for myself, and all that? I couldn't say it, not now, not here, not when it was just an answer to his question, seemingly meaningless.

“I... I've never felt like this for anyone before. It was as if I was falling at first, because I didn't want it. Now... now it's more like flying, because you... you make me happy, Ashton. I have no idea when it started, but you do.” I hoped this was enough, for I couldn't speak, I just _couldn't_.

But it wasn't enough, it was never enough. “Can you say it?”, he asked.

My voice had turned into a whisper when I answered. “I'm scared.”

“Liz”, he said, causing me to look up at him. “Don't be scared.”

Something started to boil inside of me. Oh, it was easy for him. “It's not that easy”, I defended myself.

“It is”, he replied.

“No, it's not”, I countered, ripping my hand out of his. “Because I know you can't say it back, you said so yourself, no matter what you might be feeling. It seems dumb to you, yes, but it makes it so hard.”

He didn't seem impressed. “Other girls have said it.” I was weirdly thrown back to our fight in Angeles, when he had used this competition against me. _I took someone else here_ , he had said, referring to Gracebella. Was it her this time, too?

“Good for them”, I said distantly. “Good for you.”

“So you'll never tell me?”, he asked incredulously. “Unless you know it's you?”

I sighed. “That's not what I meant, it's just that it's hard for me to say it. I'll tell you when I'm ready to, which is the exact reason why I told you earlier to leave it alone and let me figure it out myself first.”

He seemed taken aback. “That's what you were talking about?”

“Yes.” _Yes Ashton, sadly you're all I think about these days._

We stood in silence for a while. “Do you want to go back inside?”, I asked.

Ashton seemed uncomfortable by now. “I'm sorry I tried to push you”, he said. “I want you to mean it when you tell me you love me.”

My heart missed a beat at the word love. Nope, still not used to it. “Me too”, I only said. But my treacherous heart had already forgiven him, and it was shouting.

“Let's go in.”

“Okay”, I agreed, pulling him along.

“I'm sorry again”, he said in front of door.

I smiled. “It's okay.”

He quickly bent down to kiss my cheek, making me blush like before, in the ballroom. I turned to open the door, still smiling.

“I believe you have a line of ladies waiting for you to prove your dancing skills with them”, I informed him.

Ignoring the comment on his dancing, he suggested, “wait for me by my room tonight.”

I hesitated. “I was going to spend this evening with Lia and Antoine, now that we're all here and he's already leaving tomorrow”, I explained, hoping it didn't sound like I was avoiding him now.

“Oh”, he said in a somewhat disappointed tone, “of course.”

“What about tomorrow?”

A smile tugged at his lips. “Yeah.”

“I'll come by your room”, I promised, leaving him at the door.

I quickly spotted Lia who was dancing with another guard now, and made my way towards the food table. I didn't reach it though.

“Free for a dance with me?”, asked Christian, who had appeared in front of me.

I looked up, noticing how indifferent I felt about him. I was getting used to this.

“Sure”, I answered, turning back to the dance floor. We were talking French, as we always were.

Christian and I had learned classical dancing together some years ago, and his steps were as familiar as Ashton's had been unfamiliar and exciting. I could have been screaming at him and our feet would still have found their automatic ways.

“Trouble in paradise?”, he asked after a while, glancing over my shoulder.

Reflexively, I turned my head to see Ashton dancing with Holly now. Something about seeing them together made my stomach turn, but I forced back the smile.

“Not really. I'm not the only one in paradise, remember?”

He laughed. “I remember. Look, I know we haven't had the time to properly talk, but I want you to know that I didn't mean what I said to you in the hallway. I was surprised, and angry.”

I thought about the minutes prior, with Ashton in the hallway, and Christian's words, _you're still too much of a coward to admit what you really feel_. “You weren't too wrong”, I admitted.

“I honestly hope you and him get your shit together and be happy”, he declared, causing me to smile.

“Thank you.”

“You know, I figured out why we were never meant to work”, he remarked suddenly.

I arched an eyebrow. “So?”

“You know, all the important people in your life start with an 'A'. Your parents, your sister by her full name, Antoine, Aurélia, now Avalon... Naturally, I don't fit in there”, he said matter-of-factly. “Do you know who does though?”

I had started grinning halfway through his speech. “I don't know, Archibald?”, I suggested.

“You don't know anyone with that name”, he deadpanned. “Ever heard of someone called Ashton?”

I tried to keep a straight face, but my grin gave me away. “Nope, never.”

Christian shook his head slightly. “Hypocrite.”

I chose not to comment on that, and we continued to dance in our routine for another song.

 

There was a knock on the door when I had returned to my room with my family. Lia skipped over to answer it, giddy with excitement.

Antoine stood in front of it, grinning, and hugged her again. He also embraced my parents, coming into the room. Sandrine followed suit, looking a little insecure. My Mom smiled at her, though, and quickly hugged her too, my Dad shaking her hand.

For the next hour, we talked about this and that, Antoine and Sandrine's story, and our relatives back in France.

“So when is the wedding?”, asked my Dad a while later.

Antoine and Sandrine exchanged a glance. “It's probable that Ashton's wedding will be soon after the Selection ends, meaning in less than half a year”, explained Sandrine. “We plan on marrying afterwards, so that it doesn't get all mixed up.”

My Mom nodded. “That's relatable.”

“But of course you're all invited”, Antoine added with a smirk as if that hadn't been obvious, causing everyone to laugh and earning him an elbow into the stomach from Sandrine, who was laughing along with us.

“I think I'll go to bed now. Do you want to stay here?”, she asked Antoine.

He nodded. “I'll be there in an hour or something.”

“I think we're going too”, added my Mom. “See you tomorrow.”

“Goodnight!”, the three of us said in unison, and with that, they were gone.

“So”, Lia said when the door was shut, looking at me.

“So”, repeated Antoine, smirking.

I fell back onto my bed. “I hate him.” Our conversation in the hallway had been a disaster.

“No, you don't”, they both said in unison.

I sat up again, facing them. “I don't.” And then it broke out of me. “No, I don't hate him at all. I love him. I love the way he talks, and smiles, and when he's serious...”

“And when he's kissing you”, Lia threw in, earning a death glare from me.

“Pshht, this is progress”, Antoine said, clearly mocking me. “Did you tell him that?”, he added.

“No”, I said, and continued by telling them everything that had happened in the hallway earlier on. “It's not like he doesn't know! But oh, I have to say it, so that he has six girls declaring their love for him, or what?”

“Well if you're sure, you should tell him”, Antoine advised. “Just saying.”

“I will, promise. But if he asks like, how do you feel, and then that's just my answer, it just feels meaningless somehow.” It didn't make sense, but oh well.

“If you break that promise, I'll break your hand”, Lia threatened.

“I know, I know.” I held both hands up. “I'd want to shout it from the rooftops if I could.”

Antoine looked serious, a rare occasion. “You sure?”

I glanced up at him. “Yes.” It was unfair how one word could hold so much meaning.

Lia looped one arm through mine. “I sacrifice myself as a bridesmaid”, she announced dramatically.

Relaxing, I laughed. “Are you kidding me? You're my maid of honor. _If_ that's even going to happen”, I replied, the doubt still present in my voice.

Antoine smiled. “Apparently you're not the only one who's walking on air because of Ashton.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Tell me something new.”

“No, honestly”, he countered. “I ran into one of the other girls the other day, Holly. She legit asked me how I had known Sandrine was the one, and how I knew that I loved her.”

I smiled. I had known that Holly was probably the most genuine girl in the Selection, and that she was the one most likely to love Ashton without any precautions or prejudices. She was the one I thought was probably the best choice for him.

And yet, that wasn't all. I liked Holly, but the thought of her kissing Ashton, the thought of her confessing her _love_ for Ashton, the thought of him saying it _back_... It filled me with an undefinable feeling that I needed to get rid off. It was the feeling that if that was her place, it should be mine.

Lia smiled knowingly. “Now don't tell me you're not jealous.”

“I won't”, I promised. “I'm... it's so stressful, this competition. I'm scared of confessing my love for him, for obvious reasons, and yet I wish I could. I love him. I don't want to let it go.” It was scary, saying it out loud. But it was also warmth spreading through my body as I remembered his touch, it was like falling with every step, but falling meant flying.

“Now you can let go of the cheesy thoughts”, Lia said, reading in my eyes.

“True”, Antoine added. “By the way, when you were dancing with Christian and jealously thought about Ashton and Holly dancing-”

I tried to defend myself here, but Antoine silenced me by holding up a hand.

“- he was definitely staring at you when he was standing aside. If my eyes weren't betraying me, he was clenching his fists too.”

“It was nothing”, I replied with a roll of my eyes. But in reality the thought of Ashton being jealous of Christian was making me feel way better than it should have.

Lia seemed to notice. “Change of topic, please”, she said with a grin at me.

“Good”, Antoine agreed. “Let's talk about how I almost called Ashton 'his royal sluttiness' in front of Holly.”

Lia snorted. “What did she say?”

“I assume she thinks I loathe him now. She got that protective glint in her eye when she asked me if I disliked him because of the rumors, it was actually kind of sweet of her.” He shrugged, then laughed at my grimace at that. “I don't think she understood it was just a joke.”

I couldn't help but compare myself to Holly now. Would I defend Ashton if someone was insulting him? Definitely yes, but I tended to take a lot of things as a joke, being used to Antoine's mean but never serious nicknames.

“I didn't even listen to the tabloids!”, Antoine continued. “Literally, all I know about him is what I got from you, and what I saw myself, I'm not unfair. And what you told me actually made him kind of a slut in the beginning.”

“I know”, I replied. “I guess it's part of the Selection, and I can't even blame him, funny, isn't it? But I wish he would stop sleeping with them, I wish he would only kiss _me_ , thought that's selfish... I don't like it either.”

Antoine nodded. “Understandable.”

“Seriously, it's just a nickname, so why fuss about it?”, Lia added. “I never complained about mine.”

We burst out laughing. “True, and despite the fact that you actually had a reason to, stuck-up lioness”, Antoine said with a smirk.

Lia stuck her tongue out at him. “It's a pity _you_ don't have a proper nickname.”

He shrugged nonchalantly. “Not my fault.”

“Antoine is un-nicknamable”, I declared.

My cousin grinned. “Ashton, on the contrary... Not to insult your lovely prince, but he even rhymes with 'Trashton'.”

We talked for at least another half-hour, with Antoine and me filling Lia in on what had happened with Christian. It was just like the old times, the three of us, thick as thieves. This week was going to be a full success.

 


	17. Chapter 17

The family week had easily been one of my favorite times in the palace, but admittedly the calm that followed was a welcome one. So many crazy things had happened, including Winter and Cody revealing their relationship, and to top it all off, Cillia and Winter's brother Magnus had been arrested for assaulting Yanely's parents. As far as I knew, especially Yanely's mother had provoked it – and dramatically smashed a tea cup into her own face to get Cillia arrested. I knew from Yanely herself that she hated her mother, and couldn't even begin to imagine the person that could be this horrible with her own daughter. But all I could do was hope they'd get through the case well and wouldn't end up in jail for a longer time, and not being able to do anything was one of the most frustrating things in the world.

As the Selection got closer to its end, everything seemed more and more unbelievable. Like my feud with the so-called hoe squad. Where was the point in fighting with them? I didn't see it anymore, and I had actually had some decent conversations with Yanely, and I had talked to Cillia on the phone, calling her even my friend. It felt like the right thing to do, after spending weeks and months together in this competition hell. I had even played cards with Gracebella yesterday – progress, right?

 

The next bomb dropped on us the second day after our families had left. Eliminations.

Winter had been eliminated, but obviously she was still staying at the palace with Cody. The second one was Roxana, and she didn't seem to take it too hard. And the third one was Gracebella.

I couldn't believe my ears for a second, but then it sunk in. That was unexpected. It wasn't that I was overly happy that she was gone – but I had to admit I was relieved. Her presence, whether or not we had been on good terms, had always been a stress factor. I didn't hate her. _Just let her have a better life than she had before_ , that was the only thing I wished. From what I knew, her life had been hell, and one could only pray for it to improve.

That left Holly, Yanely, Piper, and me, making us increasingly aware of the emptiness of the palace and the approaching end of the Selection.

It was everything we talked about, and once more when Holly sat beside me in the Women's Room one day later. “It's so quiet around the palace now”, she remarked.

“True!”, I agreed, “all the guests are gone and only four of us left...” I trailed off, maybe not wanting to think about what it could mean.

“I still can't believe it. And the fact that it's going to end so soon!”, Holly exclaimed, voicing my thoughts.

“It all went by so fast it seems impossible”, I added.

“I know. How are you feeling about... everything?”, she asked, seeming genuinely caring. Sometimes I didn't know how she could be so kind and gentle all the time, how she did it under all the pressure was beyond me. _Maybe that's another thing that would make her a good queen_ , whispered an evil voice inside my head. I shook it off.

“I feel like it all kind of overwhelmed me if I'm honest”, I admitted. “But as it all got quiet, and after talking to my family, I feel reassured about... well everything.”

“I can understand that. I think I felt that way for a while, and even though I'm nervous for what's going to happen, I feel weirdly calm at the same time”, she explained with a little laugh.

“I get that”, I replied truthfully. “At the moment it feels less like a competition somehow. I'm sure he has already chosen somehow, but honestly I'm so lost as to say how this will end.” It was true. Ashton either didn't give away a single clue, or I was unperceptive as hell.

But Holly seemed to agree. “Exactly!”, she exclaimed. “And Liz... Can I ask you something?”, she added, her tone causing me to look up. I had a feeling I knew what was coming.

“Sure.”

Gentle as she was, she asked, “You don't have to answer if you don't want to, but... Do you love him?”

And there it was. _Way to go, Alizé, admitting it to literally everyone else and you haven't even told Ashton_ , I thought with my eyes closed for a second. “Yes.”

She smiled gently. “Then if he chooses you... I wish you every happiness. I hope you know that, I want him to be happy no matter what happens.” Somehow hearing this hurt more than if anyone had threatened me for it. But deep down I knew I felt the same way.

“Do you... do you love him?”, I asked back. “Because if you do, then I wish the same for you.”

Her voice was soft when she answered. “With all my heart. And thank you, Alizé. That means a lot.” There wasn't a shadow of a doubt that she loved him, that she was so _sure_ about it, and I couldn't help but admire her for it.

“Thank you, too, Holly.”

“Of course.”

I smiled. “I wish it didn't have to end like this.”

“Me either”, she agreed. “It feels so bittersweet. And this competition was never easy to begin with, I can't believe how much this whole experience has changed me. I mean I still feel like me, but also different.”

Curious, I looked at her. I hadn't seen it like this before. “You're probably right”, I replied, realizing at least one thing had changed significantly. “It definitely helped me realize that love wasn't a bad thing.”

I ended up telling her about Christian, and how I believed love was too cruel to be good, although I didn't know if it was a good decision. Then again, we were friends, right? Kind of unbelievable considering we were in love with the same person.

We continued to talk for a while, until she excused herself and left.

 

In the evening, I called Avalon. We had kept the phone calls up ever since she left, and as always she was enthusiastic about everything.

“The elimination!”, she exclaimed instead of a greeting, causing me to laugh. “You're in! You could be the next queen!”

“I know!”, I replied excitedly, “it's only so little time left it makes me want to scream sometimes.”

“You could seriously be it”, she insisted, “I think you will be! You're like... the favorite!” I smiled at the thought. If only that was as sure as it might seem to her.

“I have no idea if it'll be me at this point, seriously it could as well be Holly”, I admitted, thinking back to our conversation in the afternoon. “You don't know how scared I am for the end of this.” Avalon was one of the only people I could actually tell these things to.

“Oh Liz! Honestly I'm wishing it to be you, you love Ashton and it seems like he loves you too and you'd make such a great queen.” My heart jumped at her words. _He loves you too_ , well if that was true and he could just _say_ so...

“I'm...” I trailed off. “You're getting my hopes up so high!”, I complained, but I was still smiling. It was good to know she believed in a good ending for me.

“Well just trust in your relationship with Ashton”, she advised, causing me to smile.

“I hope I can.”

 

Two evenings later I knocked at Ashton's door. He had told me to come, and I was honestly unsure about what it was about – probably nothing special, but it was enough to turn me into a bundle of nerves.

The door opened revealing a tired-looking Ashton, his clothes looking crumpled and his hair a mess. The sight of him caused the missed heartbeat I would probably never get used to – I was still falling.

“What's up?”, he asked, obviously tired.

I smiled unsurely. “Well you said I should come.”

Something flashed through his eyes. “Crap, I forgot”, he murmured, angry with himself. “Wanna do something?”

I shrugged. “Just talking would be enough.”

“For sure. Here or...? He ran a hand through his hair.

“I don't really mind”, replied truthfully.

“Then come in”, he suggested, stepping out of the doorway. “Sorry it's a little messy.”

I looked around at the clothes thrown all over the floor, the piles of papers on his desk and the unmade bed. Considering what my room at home looked like, it wasn't that much of a shock.

“If it's a bad moment I can leave”, I said anyway. _Though a blind one can see that's not what I want_.

“No, it's fine”, he said, starting to kick clothes into the corners.

_Fine_. “Is everything alright?”, I asked, worried about him.

“Yes!”, he insisted. “I just... uh...” He looked at me somewhat sheepishly. “I was asleep.”

I almost had to grin. Well that explained it. But still...

“Ashton, you should... well you should sleep more at night”, I said with a worried glance, no matter how dumb that sounded. Didn't he see he needed some rest too?

He just shrugged. “I'm fine.”

_No Ashton, you aren't._ “You're stressed”, I stated.

“I'm always stressed.”

I sighed. “I know.”

“How was meeting your family?”, he asked with a smile, changing the topic.

Going along with it, I said, “It was amazing to talk to Antoine and Lia in person! They helped a lot.” _With my feelings. For you_. “And the ball was great too, by the way.”

“That was none of my doing”, he shrugged. “I like Antoine a lot.”

_Might have been some of your doing that I was enjoying myself._ “That's great to hear”, I said with a smile. “I mean, you will have some things to do with him in the future.”

“Maybe quite a bit.”

I flopped down onto his bed, not caring about the mess. “This week has just been crazy.”

“Tell me about it”, he demanded.

As if I had anything to tell. “Just the usual, and you about it all. The palace so full, the palace so empty, Cillia and Winter's brother arrested...”

I could see him wince. “Yeah.”

Suddenly feeling incredibly tired, I sank into the pillows. “Actually I'm pretty sorry I disturbed your sleep, I'm so tired myself you have to prevent me from falling asleep”, I admitted.

He chuckled, laying down beside me. “That's okay.”

“I feel bad for it”, I said, turning my head to face him.

Without me noticing, my eyes had closed, and I opened them with a start. “Maybe I should really go to sleep”, I suggested, although again, it wasn't what I wanted.

“Okay.” I hadn't realized I had hoped he'd hold me back, but I had.

“No”, I countered. I probably wasn't making any sense.

“Why?” Could I blame him for being confused?

My glance flicked over to the windows that showed the artificially lit gardens in the dark.

“Let's go outside?” Where that came from, I had no idea.

“Okay.”

Getting up, I took his hand, and like this we walked through the deserted hallways.

“You all good?”, he asked after a while of silence.

“Yeah.”

I didn't let go of his hand when I opened the door to the gardens. Thankfully it was unguarded.

We walked in comfortable silence, but my mind was so full of thoughts it was only a matter of time I'd destroy it.

“It feels so weird that this is all about to end”, I told him.

“Very”, he agreed.

“I don't really like thinking about it, but I do.” It was true. If it was going to be me, then I'd have a new life that I couldn't even begin to imagine right now, and if it wasn't me... well that was the part I didn't like thinking about.

He flicked a glance at me. “Is it hard?”

I resisted the urge to scowl at him. “What do you think?”

“I'm guessing yes.” _What a guess, Ashton. Really hard._

“Sometimes I just want to... stop thinking. Don't you get that feeling, too?”

“Quite often, honestly”, he admitted.

I grinned, speaking before I could think about it. “I only know one thing that can shut up my brain sometimes.”

“Hmm?”

I wasn't thinking. And maybe that was good.

“You should know”, I teased, coming to an halt.

He smirked, knowing exactly what I was saying.

“Oh, stop that stupid smirk”, I complained with a grin.

“Make me.”

I hadn't realized I had missed this. I raised an eyebrow. “And how do you suggest I do that?”

“Be creative”, he replied, still smirking.

Wrapping my arms around him, I pulled him to me. “I don't have hope you'll ever stop.”

“Doesn't hurt to try.” I could argue that. He could hurt me so much. But I didn't want to think.

“Give me a reason to.”

He grabbed my hips, pulling me even closer.

“So uncreative”, I stated, mocking him. “We're lucky we don't need a reason why.”

And with that, I pressed my lips to his, the kiss deepening quickly.

His voice was a little hoarse when we pulled apart. “We came out here for this?”

I smirked. “Not necessarily. You want to do anything else?”

“Nope”, he replied before kissing me again.

My hands were tangled in his hair. “Why did I know this?”

Ashton chuckled, a sound I had learned to love. I hugged closely, my head laying against his chest. I was sure he had to feel even my heart beating, telling him I loved him. _But it's not that easy_ , came the voice back inside my head. How desperately I wanted it to shut up.

We continued to walk around the gardens in silence, but I wasn't good at silence. Looking up into the night sky, I said the first thing that came to my mind.

“Just know that I feel _really_ bad for starting to talk about the weather now, but... do you even know something like bad weather? Or clouds?” I even heard her ridiculous I sounded myself.

“Nope”, he said, going along with my dumb conversation.

“Isn't it boring?”

“Not really, I like the sun”, he explained. Were we really talking about the _weather_? “I've visited other provinces and I don't like it as much.”

“Well I get that”, I replied.

“To each their own, right? No one likes the same things. Do you like the weather here? Would it get... boring?”, he asked, suddenly turning the conversation into something more important.

“Actually it's nice. Why, are you scared I'd leave because of the weather?”, I teased.

“Maybe.”

“There's way more important things”, I explained. _Like the fact that I love you._

“Just making sure”, he said with a shrug.

“Well you can be sure about that”, I promised.

He smiled and bumped me lightly with his shoulder, causing me to stumble a little bit.

I grinned, bumping him back, but probably twice as hard.

“Hey, gentle”, he protested with a smile.

I raised an eyebrow. “Did I hurt you?”

I felt his look on me and turned my head. His voice was soft when he spoke. “Not yet.”

How he was turning this around! “How could I hurt you?”, I asked, perplexed. If all, it was me who would get hurt...

“Plenty of ways”, he explained.

“But I wouldn't”, I replied, meaning every word.

“Not on purpose.”

I couldn't argue that. “No, not on purpose”, I promised.

He wrapped an arm around my shoulders, pressing a kiss to my cheek that made me blush.

I flicked a teasing glance at him. “I hate how you always do this just to make me blush when you don't know what to say.”

“I could say something if I wanted to!”, he defended himself. “Besides, you know you love it”, he teased, sticking his tongue out.

I rolled my eyes, speaking without thinking. “I love you.”

_Shit_ . It felt like everything inside my brain exploded as I realized what I had just dropped.

Ashton had stopped dead. “You what?”

My heart missed several beats. I stood there, staring at him with wide eyes, completely blanking on what to do. “I... I love you”, I repeated, because it was true and now it was out there so I couldn't take it back which might even be a  _good_ thing... “I love it when you kiss my cheeks, I love you when we're joking, I love you when we're arguing, and...” I trailed off with a nervous laugh. “It wasn't supposed to come out like this.”

I looked at me for a while. “How was it supposed to come out?”, he asked.

I smiled sheepishly. “I don't know, but it doesn't matter.” Maybe I would have never said it, and thank goodness I did. Even if I scared myself to death.

“Okay.”

My voice turned into a whisper when I continued. “Either way I'm glad it did, because it's as true as anything can be”, I admitted.

He turned me around in his arms, kissing me. “Okay”, he breathed between the kisses.

Earlier, I had kissed him to forget. Now I was kissing him to remember, remember everything about to keep it in my heart, for I suddenly had so much hope I felt like I would burst.

He grabbed my hand and we continued to walk, me squeezing his hand.

“So...”, he began.

I looked at him. “So?”

Ashton shook his head, smiling. “I just didn't know what to say.”

“You don't have to”, I replied, somehow at peace now.

It caused him to smile. “Okay.”

His smile was infectious, and after a while I started humming a melody. It was probably off-key, but Ashton didn't seem to mind, because he started swinging our hands in between us.

I glanced at him from the side. He seemed so happy.

Eventually, he caught me staring and winked, causing me to grin widely. I couldn't help it.

He chuckled warmly, and even as I looked forward again I could feel his glance on me.

Suddenly he tripped a little bit, causing me to chuckle.

“What was it about the two of us starting to watch where we're going?”, I teased, referring to all the occasions we had ran into each other in a hallway.

“Shut up.”

“Never”, I countered, causing him to roll his eyes.

“Are you... nervous?”, he asked suddenly. It wouldn't have been the word had used.

“About what exactly?”, I asked back carefully.

“This all ending.”

I considered this. It was more like I was anxious all the hopes I had allowed myself would be destroyed.

“Yes”, I said anyway, not wanting to go into detail again.

“Me too”, he admitted, surprising me. Hadn't he made at least half of a choice already?

“But... If you're sure about your choice, then you should be happy.” Whoever he had chosen, why wasn't he happy with it?

Apparently I had guessed wrong. “I don't know what to choose yet”, he explained. “I know that's not what you want to hear.”

“So now it's _what_ you choose, not _who_ you choose?”, I asked. That meant he wasn't in love. That meant he had to choose a queen, not a person he loved. _Sad_.

“And I don't expect to hear anything from you”, I added.

“There's a lot I have to choose right now”, he explained. “I'm not only deciding who I will spend the rest or my life yet, I'm deciding what kind of king I want to be, and what kind of queen I want by my side. I'm deciding if I want to listen to my parents. I'm deciding what it means to be prince of Illéa.” How ignorant had I been, for not thinking about what this really meant for him? And that part about his parents – what did they want? What was that supposed to mean? All these questions were making me itch, but I wasn't going to ask.

“Okay, I'm sorry”, I apologized instead. “I didn't mean to be another stress factor on the list.”

He played with my fingers as we walked. “You aren't. You're perfect.”

Sighing, I looked up. We had already had this somewhere. “I'm not.”

“Agree to disagree”, he countered, making me smile.

But didn't he see how frustrating this was? “It's just that you keep saying these things and...” I trailed off. _And you're either saying them to everyone, or you don't mean them, because if I was perfect for you, wouldn't this be over?_

“And what?”, he wanted to know, but I shook my head. “Liz, I... never mind. Just never think you're less than you are.”

It made me want to scream in frustration, because my heart knew how it had wanted him to end his sentence, but it wasn't possible, apparently it wasn't.

“What am I, then?”, I asked.

“All good things”, he replied eventually, his voice softer than ever, somehow assuring me of things that neither of us could be sure of.

 


End file.
